E

food enthusiast, adventure seeker.

[E @Elenabatz]

Nothing says you look like crap, like your phone not recognizing your face… touché Apple, touché.

[E @Elenabatz]

If I was to take shot in the dark, the scariest thing for a therapist to hear is, “I actually don’t recall too much about my childhood” iykyk

[E @Elenabatz]

Why do white men love pretzels so much?

[E @Elenabatz]

Once you know someone’s motivations, you can predict their actions.

[E @Elenabatz]

A moment of silence for all those photos you asked your friends to send you.. but they never made it to you because they didn’t like how they looked in it. #lostlove2018

[E @Elenabatz]

It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle... of the week.

[E @Elenabatz]

Can we just stop a minute and think about how singing was invented? *stubs toe* “owwww” ... hang on, make that noise again.

[E @Elenabatz]

@Jonnybasc @britneyspears That’s the long answer haha

[E @Elenabatz]

Answered pop lyrics @britneyspears “tell me, what happens when it stops?”
—she goes to Vegas.

[E @Elenabatz]

The real reason for glove boxes are to carry snacks in the case of hunger while in traffic..

[E @Elenabatz]

Think... Mariah Carey’s song “why you so obsessed with me?” but the guy version, “why you so upset with me?”

[E @Elenabatz]

Is being an adult being excited about going home to watch the office?

[E @Elenabatz]

When you say something that is subpar funny and the person couldn’t hear you and they ask “what?”. Those are the second chances I like to see.

[E @Elenabatz]

Hitting traffic on the way to work -“yaaaaasss, thank you lord” hitting traffic on the way home from work “WHY LORDDDD WHYY”

[E @Elenabatz]

@b_belmonte6 🙃

[E @Elenabatz]

@b_belmonte6 Just wait 9 months ....

[E @Elenabatz]

“Wow these pants are both unflattering and uncomfortable!” -human one “let’s make these dress pants!” - creator of dress pants

[E @Elenabatz]

@nick_roldan Are any of my tweets not a joke?

[E @Elenabatz]

When you make a joke that’s so advanced it’s not gonna be funny until 2075..