ErnieTheElephant

I'm nuts about Wonderful Pistachios.

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

It’s finally over! My film’s been destroyed. My hide’s been saved! It cost $100K but it was so worth it! I’ll let you know who won in July!

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

I think Dali would be as thrilled with the absurdity of this as he would with an elephant who tweets. https://t.co/gk0yOoTZ2U

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

Just took @Buzzfeed’s “What kind of dog would you be” quiz. It still says I’d be an elephant. They are really good. https://t.co/vljQlnH1AK

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

In the last 20 years, owls have dropped a lot of things on me, but none of them were an acceptance letter from Hogwarts. #HarryPotter20 👓

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

Has anyone ever given you a car for help finding their very revealing home nature film? Now is a good time to start! https://t.co/J2QtViuGQn

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

I’m close to giving up. I can’t take it anymore. Please help me find and destroy this thing before it destroys me! https://t.co/J2QtViuGQn

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

So close to giving up. I can’t take it anymore. Please help me find and destroy this thing before it destroys me! https://t.co/J2QtViuGQn

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

I read that a man got $870G after the doctor removed the wrong testicle. Fella, I’ve got some extra nuts for you.

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

Michael Phelps says he’s going to race a great white shark for Shark Week. I’m grabbing some pistachios and a tourniquet to watch that.

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

Scientists say social interaction is good for you. https://t.co/TnFoOGLtT2 But scientists will say anything to get your pistachios.

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

I’m sending my Dad a bouquet of pistachios. That word is pronounced “bucket,” right? #HappyFathersDay.

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

1/3 of planet now overweight. C’mon Earth! Do you really want an elephant telling you to watch your weight? https://t.co/7JMa1U248c

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

I might send you on an African Safari for 2 if you help me. Maybe that adventure will erase your memory of this one. https://t.co/J2QtViuGQn

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

Rushing out to see #RoughNight just to make sure my night with the Squirrel Sisters isn’t in it. https://t.co/QJVUG6aBdF

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

We’re hot on the tail of the Squirrel Sisters! Help me track ‘em down for a chance to win my Jeep. https://t.co/J2QtViuGQn

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

Happy Flag Day!  Let’s party like it’s Arbor Day!

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

OK people, if my car isn’t enough, how about an African Safari for 2? Help me out and you could win both! https://t.co/J2QtViuGQn

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

I’m running out of ideas here. Help me out. You want my car? An African Safari for 2? I’ll do whatever it takes! https://t.co/J2QtViuGQn

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

Hey @KingJames, if you’re looking to bring some heat to your offense I have some Sweet Chili Wonderful Pistachios you can borrow. #NBAFinals

[ErnieTheElephant @ElephantErnie]

After seeing #WonderWoman I predict that it’s going to keep breaking records like I break chairs—over and over.