Charlotte

~ Wife and mum• Book-loving, Welsh speaking cat wrangler • striding through life tits first ~ Instagram @Elfinwaffle

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

Finally, some good news.

[The Independent @Independent]

Humanity is closer to annihilation than ever before, scientists say https://t.co/IdAQJbvlzZ

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

Yes Mr taxi driver man, Destiny Child’s Bootylicious is exactly what I need at 6:15am, please continue to drive and DJ like a maniac.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

Anytime I say “who’s farted” the wee 18 month old pipes up with “meee”, regardless of whether she’s farted or not.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

The upshot to having kids is they’ll bring enough nasty winter bugs home that you can eventually squeeze back into your party clothes by festive season.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

@_Qiuye Haha I hear you Lapin, I would be the same if my kids weren’t so damn cute. And also, coffee. So much coffee.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

I’ll go out on a limb and say there is no one on this planet who can not only function, but show unparalleled levels of patience and general cheeriness on less than three hours sleep than I.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

I don’t mean to slut shame, but my spider plant needs to calm the fuck down. At least 20 babies in the last 4 months. Girl, take a break!

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

@BonsNots

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

Just made a mental note that I really must go and to the tailors and the haberdashery on Monday and now I’m a Beatrix Potter character.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

The girl baby has very long skinny limbs. After a large meal her physique resembles that of Jeremy Clarkson.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

The CRUSHING second hand embarrassment at finding a typo in the Editors Letter of British Vogue.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

The three year old has a very poor grasp on the rules of hide and seek.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

It’s practically fucking June. Why am I wearing tights and jumpers again?!

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

Once a year I get the intense urge to dye my hair blonde, but then I realise how much I hate getting my roots done and the feeling goes away.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

@KateGlynn__ @PersephoneBooks I can see it from my office window, love just going for a wander around on my break 😅 the vibe has changed though, last year was heavily focussed on children’s lit and schools engagement.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

@KateGlynn__ @PersephoneBooks Very nice!! You really must let me know if you ever decide to come to the Cheltenham Lit Fest!

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

Apparently the Three Year Old doesn’t like scampi.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

@_Qiuye She is a mini Jason! She has such a dirty laugh and is getting so cheeky.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

The One Year Old just sat on my face and farted. She is no lady.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

I’m at the stage in my menstrual cycle where I’m already planning my second dinner, having just finished my first.

And consuming an entire can of squirt cream and a four pack of gins in tins is also on the agenda.

[Charlotte @Elfinwaffle]

The Baby just shoved her finger so far up my nose it gave me a nosebleed. Children are a blessing.