Eli Terry

Uncertain.

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

my stupid fucking kids forced me to go to this all inclusive beach resort. Now aiden is bringing me a mai tai what the fuck

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

sources are saying it's spelled "stephen" but we have our lawyers and a guy with a big bucket of spackle at the ready

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

votes still rolling in on this one, but i think we can call it

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

@frenchielaboozi dang, will check again in 30 seconds

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

2014: rob delaney followed me. hell yeah, im gonna make it big.

2020: I use this website to find out when the president is dead

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

hm, typo in my first tweet in over a year. have not missed showing my whole ass on here

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

i hope stephen miller recovers and get back to stealing children's breath as they slumber

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

@AaronBurdette @megangailey Hell yeah! Congrats (on the impending murder)!

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

@ariscott this is awesome, ari. congratulations!

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

@GBBQ taking me a little longer to polish the gems these days

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

sarah huckabee sanders is your problem now, assistant managers at dress barns

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

@RoderickA1 she'll find them, somehow

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

we couldn’t NOT find crimes. We would reverse uncharge him if we didn’t not want to! Heehee im mueller and youll find the opposite answers in me riddles!

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

@HelloCullen It’s going be about how Danys burning of Kings Landing was justified! DANA, CALM DOWN! JADYN CAN BE STUCK IN THAT WELL FOR ANOTHER HOUR HE’LL BE FINE

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

peasant one: did you hear? bran is our king now!
peasant two: so cool! Hey can you help me scoop the charred corpse of my kid into this wheelbarrow

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

boss: you’re fired for drinking heineken at work
me: actually, it’s non alcoholic heineken
boss: ok now you’re fired and going to psychopath prison

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

@BassoonJokes @nickciarelli that scene is actually from the books

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

@brandonSJ @SamanthaaaReece @chrtucci haha oh man can’t believe that was 25 years ago. Miss that angel voice

[Eli Terry @EliTerry]

haha look how happy it makes him to tell a kid santa isn’t real. pure delight

[Jon Millstein @jmillstein]

New iPhone review