Elle Shurm

I was a Twitter OG, then I got annoyed and deleted it. But my notes got too full of tweets now I need to share them.

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

Gonna dress up as sexy Larry David for Halloween this year. Need bald cap recs ASAP #nevertooearlytoplan

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

I blame Twilight for my bad relationships it:
1. Taught me I needed a mans
And
2. The only men you can pick from are “Nice Guy’s” 🙄 and a LITERAL STALKER

Bella, sweety, you do you boo! Don’t get married at 18 to a 150593858 year old just cause he promises you eternity!

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

Help me find this. I will learn how to do this and execute this mission.

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

I feel like a TIKTOK account that would GO OFF would be someone just creating full sets/set designs of famous peoples rooms.@KimKardashian ’s bathroom, @joerogan’s podcast set, the ideas BE ENDLESS

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

#HotTake Percy Jackson would only be good at Wordle if the answers were all in Ancient Greek

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

I want @owenwilson1 to officiate my wedding

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

I’m back bitches. This time someone better damn answer the question “do bees sleep?”

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

Thought of the day: I want to campaign to bring back cosmic brownies but they always made me super gassy so do I put my needs before everyone in a 5ft radius’ else’s or just sit in sadness

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

I’m back bitches.

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

Where does literally everyone in NYC get a french bulldog and can I get in on this. I need one. Plz. Omg.

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

My once beautiful and curated insta discovery page now only consists of artsy pictures of buildings and lighthouses... ummm... scuse me who did dis?

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

Those 18 hour work days 😍>>>>>
#thrivingsociallife #somuchsleep

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

First NY lox bagel... WORTH. THE. DAMN. WAIT.

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

Rewatching the Twilight Saga wit Lara makes me feel validated in the fact I had a self-annotated print out of a scanned copy of the “vampire index” page from Breaking Dawn as my central wall decor in my childhood bedroom

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

Just a PSA that @laramariasmith has had my named spelled wrong in her phone for 2 years and didn’t know.

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

PEANUT BUTTER BABY

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

You know what they say, “hurt people, hunt people”... or somethin’ like dat

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

My thoughts sparksnoting “Things Fall Apart” sophomore year of hs:
🍠🍠🍠🍠🍠🍠🍠
My thoughts actually reading it sophomore year of college:
🍠🍠🍠🍠🍠🍠🍠+GOD

[Elle Shurm @ElleShurm]

I love when the city allows someone to use a jackhammer at 7 am for over an hour that is so loud it shakes my windows on the 8th floor of my building, the only day of the week I get to sleep in