Ellen Orchid [email protected]

Stand-up comic & MD: see comedy clips on YouTube, Played "Dr. Sharon Zalutsky" on "The Sopranos" (in episode #48, "Whoever Did This"). On "The View", SNL, Kimmy

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

My adult son yelled at me "I'm a grown-ass man!" I said "I know! I helped you grow that ass!"

#jokes #

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

Something I'd tell my younger self - "Don't over-tweeze your eyebrows! After 60 you'll be pencilling them in forever!"

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

I love to crash parties. Or as I call it - an "Irish entrance".

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

@itsJeffTiedrich @FCromson Exactly. Corruption, lies, fraud. GOP sucks.

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

I met this guy online whose daughter is a drug addict, alas. Honestly, I'd like a step-child but not a 12-step child.

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

@SallyZubler @HIHKatharine @RepStefanik The Trump family profits from all DJT does, including cheating on his taxes.

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

I read that Biden told the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia he blames him for Kashoggi's death. I just hope he said it by phone or text- from an airborne Air Force One.

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

I don't want a $30K handbag. Also can't afford one. Afraid I'll get "knocked off" for it. So I prefer buying a "knock-off".

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

@TheRBKing80 @PamKeithFL Praying for her smooth recovery and comfort.

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

There's a candy "Werther's Originals." In Times Square you can buy "Werther's Knock-Offs".

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

There's a Chanel bag that's 3"x4"x4"- just for credit cards. It costs $2,500. What's next - one 1" around for postage stamps?

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

Over time, my body's changed. Like an Amazon box, I'm not in the "original packaging."

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

NY is the city that never sleeps. Boy, does it need a nap! How about a "time-out"? How long can it keep going like this?

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

Comics end their sets with "That's my time!!" Do inmates leave prison with the same line?

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

I was on a cheap junky airline. They had SkyMaul Magazine.

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

Every new (underground) abortion center should offer vasectomies too. Reproductive freedom is practical and sometimes totally necessary. No one should be forced to bear a child she and her partner (if she has one) are not able to raise.

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

@gryphon1019 @JudyLargo4 Ha ha - so funny and so true! Thanks for posting this!

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

@russellcrowe Che bel fotografia!

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

@russellcrowe Marvelous photo. Made me think of "the eye of God", that shaft of light. How multi-talented you are!

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

I don't like popcorn. Tastes like styrofoam. Face it - it's just a "butter delivery system". Like lobster. But cheaper.

#jokes #standup

[Ellen Orchid [email protected] @EllenOrchid]

@JohnJpshanley Good morning, Mr. Shanley. Big fan of your work. Saw "Moonstruck" again recently. Was so touched and entertained. I'm an actress, stand-up, playwright. I studied with Edward Allen Baker for three years.