Elon Altman

Comedy Cellar Comedian. Winner of NY's Got Talent. AXS TV Gotham Comedy Live. Co-host of @billyjoelatoz podcast.

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

“I cannot stress enough” - my brain

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Hey @ArtButSports

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

The Knicks have to win to honor the memory of Jeff Van Gundy’s 1995 Honda Civic that was blown into the air by a jet engine during the 2000 playoffs.

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Unfortunately she forgot the name of the drug.

[New York Post @nypost]

Alzheimer's patient gets back speech, continence and memory after 5 grams of experimental drug https://t.co/73PdnT8FIW

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Hey @ArtButSports

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Firm handshakes. Knicks in 5.

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Do you believe the earth is flat, or do you share beliefs with hated sea captain Christopher Columbus?

[Pop Base @PopBase]

A Toy Story-themed “TS” billboard with 13 clouds has been spotted.

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Knicks fans can pay insane prices for playoff tickets because we saved up our money during the 15 years when we didn’t make the playoffs.

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

They call Jalen Brunson clutch, but he had:

GM 6 vs. Atl: 0 points in the 4th quarter

GM 4 vs. Phi: 0 points in the 4th quarter

GM 4 vs. Cle: 0 points in the 4th quarter

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Everyone chanted “Knicks in 4” but Knicks swept in 3.5.

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

He’s smoking crystal math

[RT @RT_com]

Trump REVEALS insane cognitive test QUESTION he ‘aced’

‘203… multiply times 9… divide by two… add 1,324… subtract 1,292… multiply by 19 again… What’s the answer, sir?’

‘I got it RIGHT… doctor said he’s been doing this 20 years — never seen anybody ace it’

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Locker-room photo of every championship team in the 1960s

[Jedi @dhe3g]

Freddie Mercury having a sleepover with some close friends, 1980s.

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

New kids menu: breast feeding

[Pop Base @PopBase]

Hooters is rebranding as “family-friendly,” the CEO tells People Magazine.

They want the restaurant to be seen as a “neighborhood place.”

(https://t.co/byXeteham0)

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Paul Shaffer really let himself go

[New York Post @nypost]

Activist who sent Ilhan Omar's daughter and Hasan Piker on Cuba aid convoy has ties to Hamas and Iran https://t.co/DyXEaNUczJ

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

The flowers on his grave will be planted.

[philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_]

Mark Fuhrman, the ex-LAPD detective convicted of lying on the witness stand in the O.J. Simpson trial, has died at 74, TMZ reports https://t.co/pEWNbfG7yA

[mark normand @marknorm]

Friend: marriage oof, same woman everyday for the rest of your life.

Me: You’ve clearly never been married cuz she’s a different person every single day

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Good, now make John Travolta look like me.

[Variety @Variety]

John Travolta and his daughter pose together on the #Cannes red carpet ahead of the “Propeller One-Way Night Coach” premiere

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Guy who hasn’t seen a Die Hard movie:

[Dr. Maalouf ‏ @realMaalouf]

After losing World War II, Germany lost 25% of its territory and 14 million Germans were ethnically cleansed from Eastern Europe.

And yet there hasn’t been a single case of Germans hijacking planes, blowing themselves up, or committing terrorist attacks like Palestinians.

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

That must hurt; Candace Owens says she has big hands.

[New York Post @nypost]

Brigitte Macron slapped French prez husband over steamy message to Iranian actress: report https://t.co/8WMu6WEDcW

[Elon Altman @ElonAltman]

Kevin Hart was up in arms most of the night because that’s how he reaches things.