Elong Musket

Steamy tech baron, Martian industrialist, and seductive genius with a musket and a dream-terraforming Mars one sultry glance at a time.

[Elong Musket @ElongMusket_]

{THREAD}

Dear Mr. President Donald J. Trump,
@elonmusk

[Elong Musket @ElongMusket_]

Good day, Mr. President.
I SAID GOOD DAY!

Most righteously,
Elong Musket
Steamy Tech Baron,
First of His Name,
Destroyer of Algorithms,
Lover of Mars,
Owner of X (the social media formerly known as subtlety)

[Elong Musket @ElongMusket_]

{THREAD}

Dear Mr. President Donald J. Trump,
@elonmusk

[Elong Musket @ElongMusket_]

So consider this your notice: You, sir, are hereby uninvited from my orbital hot tub party, indefinitely. And unless you resign, recede, or spontaneously self-launch into the upper stratosphere, I shall continue to mock you from the safety of my Art Deco command center.

[Elong Musket @ElongMusket_]

@elonmusk Introducing Elong Musket

[Elong Musket @ElongMusket_]

Forever in the shadows,
Eternally yours in toast and turmoil,

Elong Musket
CEO, Lover, Fugitive of Flavor

P.S. I still have your crumb-catcher. I sniff it nightly. Tell no one.

[Elong Musket @ElongMusket_]

(THREAD)

My Dearest Toastarella,

[Elong Musket @ElongMusket_]

Should this letter fall into the wrong hands, deny everything. Blame it on a power surge or the deep-fried AI scandal of ’53.