Emily Cav

lady in the street but asleep in the bed

Waitlisted at the School of Hard Knocks

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

7th grade short story contest: 1st place story was about dying of cancer & mine was about buying a sweater. All you need to know about me.

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

my boss is married & the fact that someone loves that man for who he is really freaks me out

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

I’m too young to be purchasing all my shoes at Clarks, but practical footwear is sexy to me

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

Sorry but seeing Tina Fey sad in different locations isn’t a lot fun #thefourseasons

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

I’m down to start a mahjong club with all the others that will be left behind by AI

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

Need to smoke a cig with Strega Nona

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

I’m not having kids because I simply can’t risk them playing lacrosse & having to act interested

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

Felt like I was in an episode of Cheers today when I went into the vape store & the guy already had my preferred flavor ready for me. He said, “I got you mama”

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

yes my grandmother's maiden name was O'Klonopin

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

Southwest sales are fun because you click on the email that says Super Cheap Flights! & you select your flights & the total turns out to be the largest number you've ever seen. #southwest

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

our parents should get reimbursed for the $100 graphing calculators we were required to have for whatever reason

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

can I request a suicide bomber to my work? listening to two male coworkers say, "Tarantino is just so good at writing realistic conversations. He's the best at it."

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

I say this in earnest: I think James Kennedy is going to be a good dad.

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

Atlantic City is like if Creed's "One Last Breath" was a place

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

Forget being one of the worst interviewers on tv, this is officially THE WORST THING JIMMY FALLON HAS EVER DONE #survivor #survivor50

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

gonna need Cristin Milioti playing Laura in the film/TV adaptation of the #LoveTrapped podcast
(thank you to @LarzMarie for getting me hooked on this absolutely wild story)

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

I hope the microplastics kill me before my next car payment

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

You know what? I’m about to say it: I don’t think Ryan Reynolds uses Mint Mobile

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

my newly adopted cat has been in hiding. Today, she finally came out while I happened to be watching an episode of 16 & Pregnant. Turns out, Polly too has questions about why these boyfriends are a good deal older than the 16 year olds girls.

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

@FilmUpdates

[Emily Cav @EmCavs]

Gonna pull a Chrissy the next time I go on a date. Sit down, shut up & don’t talk to me. #survivor #survivor50