Emily Stainer

the only reason I have Twitter is to complain about moths

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

when I’m sad I just go on Strava to remind myself how slow everyone is

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

reliving my childhood by eating 9 frubes a day

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

spent my whole life thinking I’m not funny but actually coming to realise I am actually really funny but it’s too high brow for you lot to understand

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

@mlyrstte no I still really want my jasmine doll :(

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

thinkin about the time I wrote to Santa and asked for a princess jasmine doll and Santa wrote back and asked if maybe I would prefer a sewing kit

[Richard Osman @richardosman]

'As It Was' has to be one of the all-time great pop songs, and Harry Styles is a proper classic, smart pop star. If you don't know him, or you think he's fluff, you're missing out.

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

oh to be a duck

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

@gracemarshx 🥹 my guy!

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

i’m in my parsnip era

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

good morning

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

@static__caravan For me that day is today

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

just thanked a man for standing on my shoe on the tube

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

subverting the London stereotype by being average-looking

[Paul McNamee @PaulFMcNamee]

Sir, you ask Djokovic to look in the mirror. If he must, he’ll see a holistic person generous in spirit, aware of his shortcomings, and yet who cares about struggling lower ranked players like no other ‘great’, and almost universally respected by his peers https://t.co/X8q65k9b1Q

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

the way my sister feels about her boyfriend is the way i feel about sesame oil

[Emily Stainer @EmStainer]

nothing like a cheeky shot of Pepto Bismol on a Monday night