Shit My Patients Say

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

*buzzer*
"I have decided I do not wish to see you again. Not enough fat, it hurts my eyes. Get me another nurse"

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"I'm not trying to be difficult but..." #ShitMyPatientsSay #HereWeGoAgain

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"Am I dead because you are the personification of hell"
#ShitMyPatientsSay #ChatUpLines

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

Cardio pt: So I *only* drink like 6 Mountain Dew a day
And you have no idea what is causing these palpation?
Pt: *blank*
#ShitMyPatientsSay

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"I've had this migraine for 4 days so I drank a bottle of red to get rid of it but it's just got worse"
#ShitMyPatientsSay #VomitComet

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

30st pt too fat to get out of bed so get a bedpan for her...
"YOU'RE NOT A REAL NURSE USELESS COW HELP ME UP" 😐
#ShitMyPatientsSay

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

@vibin1245 @OnlyintheICU staph?

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"It's part of a set so I need it back so my wife doesnt notice"
#ShitMyPatientsSay #UpDaButt #SoupSpoonNotButtPlug

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

*BZZZ* "I feel sick"
Do you want meds to help?
"No"
*BZZZ* "I feel sick"
😧😧😧😧
#ShitMyPatientsSay

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"If I have painkillers I won't feel the pain then how do I know if something is wrong?"
#ShitMyPatientsSay

[NHS Million @NHSMillion]

As you enjoy a lovely bank holiday weekend please spare a RT for the NHS staff who will be saving lives throughout

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

@ERgypsynurse people need to look after themselves not be dicks and expect us to fix them... and not stick stuff up butts #nursingproblems

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"Maybe you should kiss it better"
#ShitMyPatientsSay #MaybeYouShouldStopDreaming

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"I need a shave"
Sir you have had 2 shaves today already
"I NEED A SHAVE!"
*strategically hide razors*
*find pt scraping face w/ food knife*

[Wheezy Nurse© MSN RN @WheezyNurse]

When a patient presses every button on the call light and when you sprint in, they say they were trying to turn on the TV 🙄 #nursingproblems

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"Don't bother resusitating me... the world's gone to shit and it would just be more bother" (105yo lady)
#ShitMyPatientsSay

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"You need to give me oxygen because it's only 99%"
#ShitMyPatientsSay

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"If you don't give me morphine I'll piss on you"
#ShitMyPatientsSay

[Shit My Patients Say @EmergiNurse]

"The paramedic said I lost all the blood in my entire body"
#ShitMyPatientsSay #StatusDramaticus

[Nursing Problems™ @NursingProbs]

When your patient's family is needier than your patient. #nursingproblems