Emily🤘

hi. i'm emily!

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

My child only likes the weirdo songs from The Beatles like Octopus Garden. I hate it here.

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

My daughter asked me to buy her a stuffed animal today. I said no. She responded with “that’s not fucking fair”. Toddler’s are wild.

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

My child while throwing a strawberry in her water cup, “now it’s lemonade!” 🤣

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

Nobody has ever seen me looking worse than my local Home Depot.

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

My child just had a meltdown because she doesn’t want finger nails anymore.

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

Since I graduated high school, my mom has complained that my graduation pictures were ruined due to my black nail polish. Tomorrow I graduate from a trade apprentice program. For the first time in years I painted my nails black. Sorry Mama, still no decent pictures. 🤣

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

A song that came out the year I was born is currently on the Classic Rock station. I’ve never felt so freaking old.

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

“I don’t want a tattoo. I’d rather buy gin.”

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

I think the real reason I ask that nobody makes a big deal of my birthday is because nobody ever did growing up. Thank you to my work family for disobeying my wishes. I actually really appreciate it. ❤️

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

“Dang Emmy, looking skinny as fuck!”

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

Even after all these years, anytime Andrew slices bread he’s brings me the end piece. He knows it’s my favorite. 🥰

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

The Ice Cream truck is driving through my neighborhood, and I full intended to buy something from them until it started playing Christmas music. Get out of my neighborhood with that shit!

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

“I wish Dad was here.”

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

My mother-in-law offering a friend a sample of the hot sauce they just made: “Give me your finger. One you don’t use on your girlfriend.” #shitmymotherinlawsays #iloveher

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

I’m almost 30, and on occasion I still enjoy a pizza lunchable.

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

“Fuck around and put your hot dogs in milk. That’s how you know your life is in the shitter.”

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

“You’re starting to put some weight on, and it looks really great on you.” Thank you for being the only person to not make feel bad for my weight gain.

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

@IwriteOK Yo, Reverend Doctor. The nice man that tried to sell me drinking bleach may have been a bastard: https://t.co/TBbfvCKFQj

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

“Now you can boil water like a Rich Bitch!” #shitmymothersays

[Emily🤘 @EmilyCaroline35]

Beware the Ides of March.