Emily Thomas

Editor. Writer. MUD, a roman a clef published 2018 by @andersenpress. Carnegie Medal longlisted 2019.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

I moaned about the heatwave but now I'm moaning about the ridiculous howling gales of rain in this country right now. Me and a stranger got blown into some railings outside earlier. I could have died!
Here to moan and occasionally hyperbolise about the British weather.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@MeghanEMurphy Seems to me that they both need honest communication about this. Different sex drives, yes, but at one point this must have been okay with them both. They need to talk about what's going on. Often, it has little do with sex and much more lost connection and intimacy.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@jk_rowling And he's not well, I think. It's the things he bought. So weird, so much random shit.
Not that I feel remotely sorry for him.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@HeatherJeeves Talks like a parrot.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@RachelReevesMP Oh please, anyone would think you'd cured cancer. It's pathetic (and also, we're paying for these 'free' breakfasts, including paying for those kids whose parents can well afford to feed them.)

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

I still cringe at Dolly Alderton and her mate Pandora Sykes in 2020, sharing their Black Lives Matter reading list so that we could all educate ourselves

[Gareth Baines @DrGABaines]

Nicola Sturgeon has updated her pronouns to him/not me

[Old Gassy @OldGassy1984]

Nicola Sturgeon finds herself struggling to log in to a website...

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@ukboomers Sorry, John, I would not want to stay somewhere with a stranger's human remains in the same room I sleep in, it's creepy. Not even for £100 a night. Prepare to lose a bit of custom now you've exposed it.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@Lord_Sugar @piersmorgan No apostrophe in Gallaghers - plural not possessive.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@Elegido123_ She's still objectively beautiful and she got older...that's what happens to us if we're lucky. Time steals youth, not anyone or anything else.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

The brazen self-pity. What sentence exactly is she serving?? She's swanning around promoting her memoir

[BBC Breakfast @BBCBreakfast]

Nicola Sturgeon has told the BBC she feels like she is "serving a sentence for a crime I did not commit", after her estranged husband Peter Murrell admitted embezzling £400,000 from the SNP, the party she led for years.

https://t.co/GPN5vyKTcx

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

One more sleep (airless, boiling) till it's 19 glorious degrees outside and a bonus rain episode. I cannot wait for shit summer UK-style to commence!

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

How to f*ck up a riddle

[woods @wuooods]

A father and son get in a horrible car accident, they’re both badly injured, and they’re taken to separate hospitals. When the son is getting ready for surgery, the doctor says "I can’t perform on him, I'm his mother!" How is this possible?

[☥𝐋𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐱 @fw_lennox1]

Why is there always a shop at the airport selling luggage?
Who the hell is going on holiday with armfuls of clothes, thinking 'Fuck it, we'll pack when we get there' ???

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@JamesCWarne Agreed. The texture (yuck) makes me gag, and that's before we get to the taste of it. Horrible.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@BradfemlyWalsh @portraitinflesh I'm with you. It's been in plain sight for decades, that narrow-eyed gobshite under the jolly, and her constant attention-seeking. She's never made me laugh once, either.

[Sharron Davies HoL MBE @sharrond62]

You’re being naive. At best. The point is the law is there for a valid reason in the Uk. Over 60% of trans identifying males are in prison for sexual assault against women. The average among the male prison estate is 18%. I could give you horror stories of fully intact men changing next to children in leisure centres & swimming pools. Grow up Kirsty. Of course women are persecuted all over the world. We all try to change that too. I’ve worked with Iranian & Afghan women. That doesn’t mean we tolerate discrimination here to help them though. And we don’t agree to subject our girls to voyeurism or risk.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

By 11 a.m. in this heatwave, I am absolutely knackered. Possibly because being in my flat is like being slow-cooked in a crockpot. I can barely shift my stumps off the sofa and lurch to the fridge for an ice pack. Actually feel quite ill. I was built for Edwardian times you see.

[Emily Thomas @EmilyHThom]

@DailyMail Liz Jones would be hilarious if she wasn't so tragic. Coming up with random, baseless rubbish like this, week in week out. Like the Daily Mail's dedicated conspiracy theorist. Completely mental.