Emily Bergmann

I'm 5'2" I wanna dance with you and I'm sophisticated fun • Setting a low bar since 1997

[Emily Bergmann @Emily_Bergmann]

What is chicken fried steak

[whats wrong with a Bob? @tweetsbybob_]

Stoned in Trader Joe’s on a Saturday afternoon

[ed @erar97]

The laughing cow:

[flor @palanttt]

tienen encapsulada a esa muñeca como los warren tenían a annabelle

[edina. 👻 @folklorefy]

hiccup hiccup hiccup hiccup
and my body goes crazy
hiccup hiccup hiccup hiccup
and my body goes crazy

[soup🕷️ @thrluv]

yes, eating raw cookie dough is risky. but if i drink piping hot tea at the same time, it will cook the cookie dough in my stomach

[V @3n7rpy]

no individual woman experiences the totality of womanhood…

generationally rich women don’t experience wage discrimination, lack of access to healthcare, etc, but no one is jumping to exclude them from womanhood cause feminism is about equality for all women

[dave 🦚 @davynathos]

Io quando scrivo “in allegato” ma invio senza allegato

[k @xf1ins]

twerking is allowed at my funeral

[jenneth goulet @kennyroysgrammy]

Ryan Murphy used to have Jane Lynch delivering lines like this on a weekly basis

[HEYJAEEE! (Got hacked) @heyjaeeeee]

Nicole Kidman at 1am in Ibiza

[defleppardfan94 @lemonade_grrrl]

fool me once why would you do that to me

[Marshal Knight @Marshal_Knight]

“And we’d especially like to thank our AMC A-Listers”

[🔆Lauren @laurenfromiowa]

The Sheep Detectives are back working another case

[a prisoner named skateboarding glory @Cefirobat]

million likes in 16 hours and democrats are still gonna be like "this isn't a main issue to most voters"

[jay @jeanseart]

two seconds of every episode of hacks <3

[culture @notgwendalupe]

today we find out if the Cheetah Girls won the Barcelona music festival in Spain

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

feeling anxious at a social event. gonna pick at my cuticles. surely i will not rip off too much skin, thus causing me to awkwardly hold a blood-soaked tissue to my thumb for the remainder of the event. surely i have learned my lesson by now.