midwest king

I don't know how to fucking use twitter

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

all you need to know about what I was like as a teenage lesbian is that I met all of my ex girlfriends on tumblr

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

I think I speak for all geminis when I say that I don’t love gemini season bc I’m on my bullshit, I love gemini season because everyone else is on their bullshit and it’s entertaining

[rose @roramdin]

“You’re telling me a shrimp fried this rice?” I didn’t tell you anything. You’re projecting, which is a trauma response.

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

thinking about removing my dog from my hinge profile because he’s getting more compliments than me

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

@greenebean_ my hinge profile literally says “we’ll get along if you know the difference between me being A therapist and being YOUR therapist” because I truly can’t anymore w these people

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

thrilled to report that I have so few men in my life I didn’t know the Super Bowl was happening

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

if you’re my friend, don’t introduce me to your other friends unless you want me to tell them why their boyfriends suck

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

@con_doberstein Benny, responds best to Noodle

[*screams into the void* @alexcollyard]

Oh thank god I was worried my friends who smoke a ton of weed were gonna stop talking about it

[Cher @cher]

Ok…😎💋

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

I live for the one day a year I get to walk around Maryland as a midwesterner judging the fuck out y’all for your trash snow management

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

it’s time to play my yearly game of “what the actual fuck do I get my brothers-in-law for Christmas?”

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

@fleetwoodmacole Was Vassar as collectively obsessed with 1989 as Bryn Mawr was when it came out in college

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

@AllisonRaskin I LOVE getting good tips from clients because I get to turn right around and protect their confidentiality by pretending I figured it out myself

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

@sarahschauer

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

therapist is a weird job because there’s a whole part of it that’s just about well timed eyebrow raises

[midwest king @EmmaRose_616]

the bond between lesbians and men who dress like lesbians is really special

[Maximilian 🥰 @MaxMaaxMaaax]

I'm fucking CRYINGGG