♛EmMama♛

Born & raised in East London. Up to my rolling eyeballs in other peoples toddlers

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

“Take one pill on an empty stomach”

Me: What’s an empty stomach?

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Logs in after a year…

“WTF IS GOING ON HERE!!”

…logs out

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Please check out my Pinterest and Etsy store!

I made it all by myself! 🤣

https://t.co/YVLyURdQW8

https://t.co/yV1aSe6BX9

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Life is short…

…that is all

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

People that don’t react whatsoever to a tiny wasp hovering in front of their face are just complete fucking freaks!

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Never Ending StorrrrRyyy, ahhhh ahhhh ahhhhh ahhhh!

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Top tip: never work with animals and toddlers

Virtually the same thing eh?

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

I keep calling it X but it still don’t feel right!!

I mean TWITTER!!!

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

HELP!

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Has X gone shite or what?

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

What’s going on with X fuckinf app?

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Get verified! £30 a month.

OOH FUCK OFF!!!

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Believe it or not.

I’m alive!

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

10x Kids Easter eggs taste better than 1x adult Easter egg

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

I could really do with a bit of hibernation right now

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Looks like I picked the wrong week to give up doing all this shitty fucking shit

[♛EmMama♛ @EmmaUtters]

Not to brag but my cat always does whatever he wants me to do

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

Hear me out, brown toilet paper…

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Being unable to say “well this is fun” without sounding like you're having the worst time of your life.

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Imagine if Pancake Day was like Christmas Day and New Year’s Day - going out on a walk and shouting “Happy Pancake Day!” to everyone you pass.

[Ⓜ️isterD @MisterD78UK]

Welcome to your 40's: spend ten minutes looking for your glasses to give you a better chance finding your phone