Uncle Dale™

Deputy Regional Assistant Director of local Aviation Gin Disbursement and Wade Wilson’s Uncle.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

https://t.co/BFZ4C6blMl

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

Currently making a blouse out of turkey slices. It's more of a winter garment, but I don't make the rules, I just break em!

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

@VancityReynolds - come over here and sit on my knee. No. The other knee... The one on my mouth.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

POPE FRANCIS: climate change is real. We must act!

JEB BUSH: You callin' me an asshole?

POPE FRANCIS: We're all God's creatures. (Yes)

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

@VancityReynolds, I hope the Mommy Bloggers find you and make love to your face using your own broken feet. #truthbomb

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

@VancityReynolds, How dare you hold your baby like that, you weeping, homicidal shit-smoker. #truthbomb

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

I saw the Green Lantern film on a flight from Las Vegas to Orlando. Everybody got so upset when I walked out.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

If you think cutting the brake lines in someone's car is going to make them laugh, well, you haven't met my nephew, Ryan.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

I like following people. Home.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

Is sex addiction real, or just humble-bragging?

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

There's no Union benefits for haunting children. But you elitist pricks enjoy free dental and plush retirement packages.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

Nice to watch the sun setting. Even though one day, it'll make life on earth totally unsuitable for living.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

I can't even finish a sentence without

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

Dear Dionne Warwick, I promise to stop leaving cinnamon cookies and rare jams outside of your various homes. Please call off the attorneys.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

People whine about how hard school or work is. These people have never tried sitting home all afternoon masturbating to CNN.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

I think we can all agree, the Internet is a safe and secure place to let kids just roam free and explore. #nolimits

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

Personally, I feel the expression, "breaking wind" suggests a level of dryness that just isn't there.

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

You try maintaining a decent circumcision with a rapid healing factor. #deadpoolproblems

[Uncle Dale™ @Emmerichmendels]

If I had a wife of my own, I'd totally let her hang out with the other wives I have.