David Harris

I was left out in the sun too long - this amazingly sexy dark skin is permanent.

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

I have got to stop watching TLC. #breakingamish

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Will someone please tell me what's so bad about waking up on the left side of the bed?

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Walked into Calculus B class today.
Said to myself, "Dude with the beard and and earring definitely wasn't here last Friday."

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

I'm going to need you to NOT do that.
Can you do that for me?
Can you NOT do that for me?

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

That awkward moment when you answer the door and hide a bat from your neighbor whom you thought was a burglar.

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

@MichelleErinn
WOOOOOP
WOOOOOP
WOOOOOP

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

People I don't know are trying to give me money.
Why am I so awesome?

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Scroll through Facebook News Feed. Find a post. Stop. Loudly yell, "Since when is HE/SHE my friend?", repeat.

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Why the hell do I own a pair of brown skinny jeans?
Why the hell are non-blue jeans a thing?

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

You know you're doing things right when you can use Murphy's Law to get what you want.
#LifeHacks

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

You've got to wonder what goes through someone's head to compel them to send you a "Hey" text.
#WasteOfMyTime

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Those bloody R.I.P.D trailers irk me. I want to watch them to hear Can't Hold Us, but I really don't want to see that movie.

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Don't ask questions.
That'll be some serious egg on your face.
#Splavacado

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Check this out, and give us a vote! http://t.co/NhCapyOvJZ via @AdblockPlus

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

The door is a wonderful invention. Please do everyone a favor and close it.
#CoverYourself

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Roughly 50% of people on the internet are stalkers.
And if you aren't one...do the math.

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Night-vision isn't that hard to obtain.
Problem is, it's temporary.
And it only works on one eye at a time.
#IHaveSuperPowers

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Black people should never have blonde hair...

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

"Let's sue a rodent!"
Yes, that's EXACTLY the kind of attention you want, Ohio.

[David Harris @EmoGoggles]

Performing improvisation in a parade; not the best idea, but at the same time, there have been worse. #StPatricksDay