Employee Tears

I run @employeetears on Instagram

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

I'd rather lick every button in a hospital elevator than share a "fun fact" about myself in a team meeting.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

Nothing pisses me off more than when I'm in the middle of telling my coworker something extremely important and my manager interrupts us with some stupid shit about our actual jobs.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

Being an introverted yapper is hard because... yeah no, I don't want to talk to people, but if you unlock the premium subscription, hoo boy. You will realize I have a PhD in Yappology and you are about to hear my dissertation.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

I be thinking I'm a yapper until I get around people who really cannot shut up. Then I realize quick, they got me beat.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

HR told me I need to stop distracting my coworkers. First of all, they came to MY desk. Second, I have witnesses. Third, since we're all here, let me tell you what happened yesterday.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

I don't gossip at work. I provide important updates regarding organizational developments, interpersonal conflicts, and suspicious behavior.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

My manager said I talk too much at work.
But I've completed all my assignments, made three enemies, uncovered two workplace scandals, and found out why Jessica's husband moved out. It's called multitasking.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

I got an "I emailed you 3 days ago" message this morning.

Friday afternoon at 4:47 this person emailed me. They followed up at
8:15 this morning.

28 minutes. They emailed me 28 working minutes ago. Bye.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

logging on to LinkedIn and commenting "who gives a shit" on every post

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

You ever look back at an old job and realize you didn’t just have a toxic work environment, you had a whole
lawsuit and didn’t even know it? 💀

I should’ve been contacting an attorney instead of updating my résumé.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

I talk a lot of shit for someone who has been brought to tears by an Excel sheet.

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

Everyone talks about how social media is bad for your mental health, but what about Excel?

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

“I changed all the formulas in your spreadsheet to manually typed numbers because I didn’t understand them. Fuck you.”

-Your coworker

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

“You finished your work early because you’re good at Excel. We’ve signed you up to teach everyone else how to use it. During your lunch break. Fuck you.”

-Management

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

“We’ve spent $2 million on new reporting software. It doesn’t work, so we’ll need you to recreate everything in Excel. Fuck you.”

-Corporate

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

“Your computer needs to restart to install updates. You have 37 Excel files open and haven’t saved any of them. Fuck you.”

-IT

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

“Here’s 14 years of financial data in a PDF. Can you put it into Excel before lunch? Fuck you.”

-Your manager

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

“Here’s a screenshot of an Excel spreadsheet. Can you send it back with all the formulas working by noon? Fuck you.”

-Management

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

Yes bro take excel away

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

“We can’t discuss salaries with you, but we’d love for you to train the new hire who’s making $15,000 more than you. Fuck you.”

Management