Todd Monken

(Parody) Head coach of the Browns. I've been everywhere, man. Here for a good time, not a long time.

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

My plan for the Browns is simple. I was here before. 2019. We were close. REAL close. I have unfinished business and an urge to DIAGRAM some OFFENSE. #Browns

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

Lot of new faces here. Gonna miss Freddie and Stump for sure. But the Oriole's still open, Dixie's still the office secretary, and the previous staff set a gold standard of occasionally competing for a potential AFC wild card berth. I take that seriously. #Browns

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

Thanks to Stef for sending me the keys to this account. And a hearty "hiya" to Browns nation, great to be back in the old stomping grounds here in Berea. It's a real good place to cool your heels for a year or two #Browns

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

When I took this job, Freddie Kitchens told me: "As Browns coach, you've only got two friends in this world: 1) The bartenders at the Oriole. 2) Bankers boxes. Don't unpack and don't hang anything on the walls. Jimmy'll charge you for drywall when you leave."

Now I understand.

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

I'd like to thank everyone for their consistently reasonable expectations over the past 6 years: whether you're a plumber from Parma, a GM from suburban Baltimore, or a tycoon from Knoxville, you understood the limitations of my (substantial) abilities and took things in stride.

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

I'll also really miss some of the little moments:

Checking the latest USNews and World Reports college rankings with AB and laughing at how much Cornell sucks.

Masterfully calling a 16-play, 51-yard, 9-minute FG drive late in the 3rd quarter to pull within 2 scores.

Pierogis.

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

The haters and naysayers said it was impossible: “Kevin, there’s no way you can occasionally compete for a potential AFC Wild Card berth in Cleveland. Don’t be a fool.”

I fooled all of you.

#Browns #Analytics #Humility

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

Four for four. I’m proud of our guys and proud of our fans. But I’m proudest of myself. I set a lofty goal when I was hired and I’ve hit it 100% of the time. You don’t need analytics to tell you that that’s pretty dang impressive #Browns #Analytics

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

I’d just like to remind Browns nation of my goal, which hasn’t changed since I was hired:

To occasionally compete for a potential AFC Wild Card berth.

We’re right on track for a fourth year in a row.

#Browns #Consistency #Accountability #DreamBig

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

I’d just like to remind Browns nation of my goal, which hasn’t changed since I was hired:

To occasionally compete for a potential AFC Wild Card berth.

We’re right on track for a fourth year in a row.

#Browns #Consistency #Accountability #DreamBig

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

Analytics wins are more valuable than schedule wins. Why?

Simple: analytics wins reflect a sound process, and a sound process leads to schedule wins

#Browns #Analytics

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

Rams should’ve gone for two after that touchdown. They may get a schedule win, but that’s an analytics loss. And in the end, which is more valuable? #Browns #CLEvsLAR

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

@FanoftheLand13 You’re goddamn right I did

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

The missed PAT stings a little, but don’t worry guys: 17 play, 53 yard field goal drives are my specialty. We just need to get the ball back. #Browns #CLEvsLAR

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

To help DTR get ready for today’s Pittsburgh game, I did him a favor and simplified the game plan by only scripting the first 35 plays (instead of 50). As long as he memorizes those in the correct order, we’re golden. #Browns #PITvsCLE

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

Also, a wise man (Freddie Kitchens) once told me that a Browns season never truly begins until your starting QB has a season-ending injury.

He also told me that the punt is just the coward’s interception, and that the fumblerooski should be called the FUNblerooski.

#Browns

[Todd Monken @EmptiestSet]

This is unexpected news, Browns Nation, but it is not time to panic.

I was the 2020 NFL Coach of the Year, I’m an analytical mastermind (Myers-Briggs INTJ), and we’re ahead of schedule for our goal (competing for a potential AFC Wild Card berth).

We got this. #Browns