Eric Fairgate

I tried pot once. A girl almost died. I swam in a polluted pond once. I almost died. I married a sociopathic health freak once. She bonked my brother and died.

[Eric Fairgate @EricFairgate]

@ValeneEwing Don't worry, Val. Mike and I will drive you. Give us a minute to clean up these beer cans and we'll be over with the Wagoneer.

[Eric Fairgate @EricFairgate]

@chrisp2607 Everyone liked her too much, so I dumped her. I need to find someone my family will hate and marry her IMMEDIATELY.

[Eric Fairgate @EricFairgate]

I have a girlfriend named Whitney. She's African-American, in case you didn't notice. Wait, why doesn't anyone care? DAMMIT! WHY? WHY? WHY?

[Eric Fairgate @EricFairgate]

@Gianni862 @knots_landing @jmesposito @valleymike07 *waves* Hi, guys! Be sure to stop by and shoot some hoops with me and my bro sometime.

[Eric Fairgate @EricFairgate]

I'm in love with @Ginger_Ward. She digs jazz as much as I do. Hey, I wonder if she'd marry me. Maybe I should ask her.

[Eric Fairgate @EricFairgate]

@DianaFairgate @Gianni862 @Knots_Landing You're always the charmer, Diana. Look -- my "ass" is on Twitter now. Nice to meet you, John.