Eric

enjoying all the meats of our cultural stew

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

When I was a lad I badly wanted to snog the lass from Suite Life of Zack and Cody

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

@atrupar Can’t tell… too busy tugging off to it

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

I’ve been getting a lot more respect on the train since I started wearing brass knuckles

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

Family Guy, Family Dog, Family Wife, Family Baby, etc.

This show is ripe for spinoffs

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

We need a holiday for magicians 🙌🏼

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

@kikoscasino This is facts bc the blunt hits twice as hard after I give my daughter her nightly glass of NyQuil

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

If you pay the hospital an extra $500 they will make a funko pop of your newborn

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

I love crazy and fucked up shit. When it comes to me, the more fucked up the better

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

Calling the number from a missing child poster to scold them for using AI

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

The Minions are always doing too much

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

How do I add my landlord to the BDS list

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

*Don Draper in pitch meeting*

It’s not just about chasing the Lucky Charms Leprechaun. It’s about finding him, and fucking him.

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

*83 year old Morgan Wallen*

Last night we let the licorice talk

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

Finally learned the cup song from pitch perfect

Lmk when I can come on the show (unarmed) @jimmyfallon

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

Got kicked out of “inclusive” improv troupe for writing down the answers beforehand

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

Gospel church bassist born into a white trombonist’s body…

Lawd help me

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

“I cleansed myself of impurities, sensei. See?”

*I show my white climbing instructor that I put a time limit on my porn apps.*

Sensei shakes his head. He’s not impressed.

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

Me:
White rice, beans… and you know I’m gettin that pico de gallo

Chipotle employee:
Yessir yessir

[daps me up]

Me:
Type shit

Mom:
You need to wake up. Your dad’s funeral is in an hour.

Me, still asleep:
You tryna slide me that free guac playa?

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

CCP Neil Young:

Hey hey my my
Mao Zedong will never die

[Eric @EricWithAnE_]

Way to go, Tiger. Take all the attention away from my equally impressive DUI today. On my birthday nonetheless. Unbelievable.