Eric VanDyne

[Eric VanDyne @Eric_VanDyne]

@thepropdealer MLB

[Eric VanDyne @Eric_VanDyne]

@FDSportsbook ⚾️

[Eric VanDyne @Eric_VanDyne]

@FDSportsbook Trade for Skubal

[FanDuel Sportsbook @FDSportsbook]

The Mets might need a little help...

They've lost 11 straight, so we've decided to give away $1,000 in bonus bets to 11 of our customers! 💰

For a chance to win:
1️⃣ Repost
2️⃣ Follow @FDSportsbook
3️⃣ Reply with ONE move you'd make to fix the team

Rules: https://t.co/02qQnvVjhQ

[Ethan Brooks @alt_w_v_g]

Tried to log into my bank this morning

Not a new bank

My bank

The one that has my money

It said "please verify you are human"

I am human

I have a mortgage

I have a therapist I pay $250 an hour

I paid $47.63 for bread, milk, and eggs last week

Only a human would do that

But the bank was not convinced

It showed me a grid of images

"Select all squares with traffic lights"

Nine squares

Three had traffic lights

But one square had the very edge of a traffic light pole

Maybe two pixels of yellow paint

I stared at it

Is that a traffic light or a pole near a traffic light

Does proximity count

Where does the traffic light end and the infrastructure begin

I selected it

Wrong

New grid

"Select all squares with bicycles"

Four squares had bicycles

But one square had just a wheel

No frame

No handlebars

Just a circle

I did not select it

Wrong

Apparently a wheel is a bicycle now

By that logic my Camry is a bicycle

It has wheels

Third attempt

"Select all squares with stairs"

Two squares had stairs

One had a ramp

Is a ramp stairs

A ramp is the opposite of stairs

A ramp exists specifically because stairs exist and some people cannot use them

That is the entire point of a ramp

I selected just the two obvious ones

Wrong

It wanted the ramp

I am a CFO

I've fired people with more due process than this

But I cannot pass a test designed to keep bots out of my own checking account

Fourth attempt

"Click and hold until the image stops moving"

A jigsaw puzzle piece floated across the screen

I clicked and held

It stopped

I released

"Verification failed"

I held it longer

It stopped again

I released

"Verification failed"

I held it for eleven seconds

My finger cramped

The image drifted to the right and stopped

I released

"Success"

Fourteen minutes

Four attempts

To access money that is mine

In an account with my name on it

At an institution that sends me emails every single day asking if I want a home equity line of credit

You know my email

You know my phone number

You know my social

You know I bought gas at a Shell station in Scottsdale on Tuesday at 2:47pm

You know I spent $340 at a pharmacy last week

You know everything about me except whether I'm human

My wife walked in

She said "what are you doing"

I said "proving to a computer that I'm not a computer"

She said "are you winning"

I said "I just spent fourteen minutes deciding if a ramp is stairs"

She said "that sounds like something a computer would do"

She wasn't wrong

She usually isn't

Plz fix. Thx.

Sent from my iPhone

[Eric VanDyne @Eric_VanDyne]

@joshuadasilva BANG

[Eric VanDyne @Eric_VanDyne]

@HooveLocks Let’s see what you got

[Eric VanDyne @Eric_VanDyne]

@ESPN_Schick @IndianaFootball Unless you’re Michigan then you need to be banned from existence

[Wall Street Apes @WallStreetApes]

American taxpayers can’t even fathom how much money is being stolen from them nationwide

“In the state of Washington, there are 539 more Somali daycare centers. Each receiving somewhere between $1.5 million to $4 million dollars taxpayer money every year.”

“I just want you all to think about that for a second because like when we think about government spending, we're like $1.4 million, $1.5 million, $4 million. That's not that much money. First of all, yes it is, especially since we're talking about state taxpayer funds.

But I want you to think about that number for a second. 539. And let's say all of them got the minimal funding. If they each only got the absolute minimal funding, that's $755 million.

What's more likely is it's over a billion.

That is $1,000,000,000 of your taxpayer money going to people who aren't actually running a daycare or as they were in Minnesota, ‘a Learing center’.“

“So either you care about fraud, waste and abuse, or you don't. That'll be determined whether or not you want to speak up about this. But if you're not going to speak up about this very obvious fraud — could you do me a favor and just shut the f*ck up about everything else”

[Peachy Keenan @KeenanPeachy]

Knowing that my husband, and my friends' husbands, spend 60-80 hour weeks working their asses off, away from their kids, dealing with piles of bs at work, plus miserable commutes, so that half their paycheck can be handed over by people who hate them to other people who hate them and should not be here--and there is absolutely nothing you or anyone else can ever do about it.

If America is an idea, this is not the idea we signed up for.

[Zach Shaw @_ZachShaw]

Biff Poggi: “Everything that happens in this building has to be reevaluated, because it’s not up to standard.”

Says “it’s been five years of, let’s call it what it is, a malfunctioning organization. There’s something every year.”

[Eric VanDyne @Eric_VanDyne]

@MahGill @NFLFantasy Same here, Likely better show up

[Defiant L’s @DefiantLs]

He hung up quick lmao

[Detroit Lions @Lions]

Ohio hate to see us coming

[Johnny @j00ny369T]

The world could use more acts of kindness like this. Respect for the dentist.

[Chad Prather @WatchChad]

After President Trump was welcomed with thunderous applause at Yankee Stadium, some of the Detroit Tigers players started doing the Trump dance.

Even in Charlie’s death, America is still healing. Beautiful.

[Amiri King @AmiriKing]

America is fatigued beyond imagination.

We are over your self-righteous ‘me first’ attitude.

The public tantrums.
The rampant disregard for civility.

The public murder of Iryna Zaruska is a breaking point for all.

You are waking up to a new America today, I assure you.

[Sherri Unfiltered™ @FFT1776]

UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!!

One TRILLION American taxpayer dollars were stolen during the pandemic & 70% of that money went overseas.

The extent of this Govt corruption is endless!!👇🏻

[Scott Bell @sbell021]

Good morning to fans of the 2023-2024 Michigan Wolverine National Championship-winning football program.

15-0. Perfect season. Not an asterisk to be found.

[Will Ragatz @WillRagatz]

J.J. McCarthy's jab at Ohio State today