ErikaMachine

Falmari. Punk-ass book jockey. Gnome warrior #ForTheAlliance.

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@warcraftstats YES. John Wayne airport is so easy to get in and out of. I’ve never had long security lines and any traffic outside is usually brief if you’re staying nearby.

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@allie__voss Person who is clearly not a mother. All babies are my babies now. I will tie any shoe. I will wipe any boogie. I will pet any head. The compulsion to mother has taken over. I’m like an animal mother they give orphans to who just scoops them up and adds them to my own pile.

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

Jimothy is what I look like postpartum while breastfeeding. Feral with bad posture. Probably scrounging food from a trash can.

[KanekoaTheGreat @KanekoaTheGreat]

Erling Haaland spent $134,000 on a book he'll never read.

Then gave it away.

Last December, he and his father quietly bought the 1594 edition of Snorri Sturluson's Kings' Sagas at auction — the most expensive book ever sold in Norwegian history.

Only one copy exists on earth.

They donated it to the public library in Bryne.

The town where Haaland grew up.

One condition: it stays open. Anyone can walk in and read it.

What actually is this book?

Written in 1230, it chronicles Norwegian kings from the age of gods through medieval history — warriors, farmers, kings from the exact coastal region Haaland calls home.

The 1594 edition was the first time it was ever printed in Norwegian.

Before that it lived in manuscripts, locked away from ordinary people for 350 years.

He bought the moment his people's history became something they could hold — and handed it to the next generation.

"I want the book always to lie open so people can read about those who came from where I come from."

He scored twice for Norway today in his first ever World Cup match.

The kings in that book would've approved.

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@Raymolly1414944 @Glinner Definitely had to watch on 2x speed — the slowness was driving me nuts as well.

[MJ Murphy @hothingsgirlsay]

10 Words/Phrases that end the debate before it even starts

[𝖓𝖔𝖘𝖋𝖞 @comfyvampy]

world of warcraft is basically:

kill god
collect 8 bear asses
kill another god
fishing tournament

[blue @bluewmist]

I'm finally reading Dune. This quote, which is in the first few pages, hits hard:

"Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them."

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@rajatsuri So nice to hear encouraging comments. Most people can’t wait to tell you how hard children are even when you’re in the depths of those early years and sleep deprivation. Nice to know I have something to look forward to once my son is out of the high-needs infant stage! 😅

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@paxclementia @tallsnail I only managed to trick my boy into sleeping on my chest once or twice. He *hated* being worn facing me too.

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@KJP Not offended by the midriff but the other picture looks better!

[Megha @megha_lilly]

Moms on their phone: making a doctor’s appointment, sending pics to the grandmas, writing an email to an accountant, organising logistics for a visiting relative, tracking a package that was meant to arrive but didn’t, ordering things for the household because she doesn’t have time to go physically shop, looking up how to remove a particular type of stain, looking up recipes for dinner with some ingredients she doesn’t know what to do with

Onlookers: “look at her scrolling on her phone, neglecting her family”

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@cardamomkiss Hell yes. Good for you! I’m 3 months in and this feels like a full time job on its own.

[Megha @megha_lilly]

The new Wuthering Heights movie looks like it was directed and written by Lydia Bennet.

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@Captain_JubJub @TheAlexSylvian He stopped working with his main editor Moshe around 2020 and IMO it’s pretty obvious.

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@warcraftstats Combined with having a new baby I REALLY don’t feel like working before I can relax and play.

[Mark Cecchini, CFP® @markcecchini]

COMMANDER: We’re fighting for freedom. And part of that freedom… is the freedom to retire with dignity. So we’re going to start accounts called 401(k)s.

SOLDIER 1: What’s a 401(k)?

COMMANDER: It’s a retirement account. You put money in, it grows tax-free, you take it out when you’re old.

SOLDIER 2: So I don’t pay taxes on it?

COMMANDER: Well, you pay taxes later. When you withdraw.

SOLDIER 2: So it’s not tax-free.

COMMANDER: It’s…tax-deferred.

SOLDIER 2: What’s the difference?

COMMANDER: You pay taxes later instead of now.

SOLDIER 1: What if I want to pay taxes now?

COMMANDER: Then you do a Roth 401(k).

SOLDIER 3: What’s a Roth?

COMMANDER: You pay taxes now, and it grows tax-free.

SOLDIER 2: That’s what I thought the first one was.

COMMANDER: No, the first one you pay taxes later.

SOLDIER 1: Which one’s better?

COMMANDER: Depends on your tax bracket in retirement.

SOLDIER 1: …How would I…know that?

COMMANDER: You don’t. You just guess.

⸻

SOLDIER 4: What if I don’t have a 401(k) through my employer?

COMMANDER: Then you open an IRA.

SOLDIER 4: What’s the difference?

COMMANDER: One’s through your job, one’s on your own.

SOLDIER 4: Can I have both?

COMMANDER: Yes.

SOLDIER 4: Should I?

COMMANDER: Maybe.

SOLDIER 3: Can I do a Roth IRA?

COMMANDER: Only if you make under a certain amount.

SOLDIER 3: What’s the limit?

COMMANDER: Changes every year.

SOLDIER 2: What if I make too much?

COMMANDER: Then you do a backdoor Roth by putting it in a Traditonal first.

SOLDIER 2: …Is that legal?

COMMANDER: Surprisingly, yes.

SOLDIER 1: What’s a backdoor Roth?

COMMANDER: You contribute to a traditional IRA, then convert it to a Roth…but watch out for “pro rata”.

SOLDIER 1: Why wouldn’t I just contribute to the Roth directly?

COMMANDER: Because you make too much money.

SOLDIER 1: But this way I can?

COMMANDER: Yes.

SOLDIER 1: That feels like a loophole.

COMMANDER: It is. But the IRS is cool with it.

⸻

SOLDIER 5: I just changed battalions. What do I do with my old 401(k)?

COMMANDER: You roll it over.

SOLDIER 5: Into what?

COMMANDER: An IRA. Or your new 401(k). Depends.

SOLDIER 5: On what?

COMMANDER: The funds. The fees. Whether your new plan accepts rollovers.

SOLDIER 5: What if I just take the money out?

COMMANDER: You’ll pay taxes plus a 10% penalty.

SOLDIER 5: What if I’m 59?

COMMANDER: Penalty.

SOLDIER 5: 59 and a half?

COMMANDER: No penalty.

SOLDIER 5: …The half matters?

COMMANDER: The half matters.

⸻

SOLDIER 3: What’s a mega backdoor Roth?

COMMANDER: Okay. So. Your 401(k) has a limit of how much you can contribute.

SOLDIER 3: Right.

COMMANDER: But the total limit including employer contributions is higher.

SOLDIER 3: Okay…

COMMANDER: So if your plan allows ~after-tax~ contributions, you can put in more, then convert that to Roth.

SOLDIER 3: Does my plan allow that?

COMMANDER: I don’t know. You have to ask Betsy.

SOLDIER 3: Will Betsy know?

COMMANDER: Probably not.

⸻

SOLDIER 2: Can I deduct my IRA contribution on my taxes?

COMMANDER: Are you covered by a retirement plan at work?

SOLDIER 2: Yes.

COMMANDER: Then only if you make under a certain amount per year.

SOLDIER 2: What’s the amount?

COMMANDER: Depends if you’re married.

SOLDIER 2: What if my wife has a plan but I don’t?

COMMANDER: Different limit.

SOLDIER 2: What if neither of us has a plan?

COMMANDER: Full deduction.

SOLDIER 2: So it’s better to not have a 401(k)?

COMMANDER: No…

⸻

SOLDIER 1: Can I just keep my money in a sock?

COMMANDER: You could. But inflation will slowly destroy it.

SOLDIER 1: What’s inflation?

COMMANDER: (sighs)…

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@tallsnail Similar to postpartum dreams:

I had to strap a zombie into a car seat without waking him up.

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@JungianPeater A big reason I got into knitting is purely quality control. Every wool sweater I’ve knit is practically an heirloom piece by comparison.

[ErikaMachine @ErikaMachine]

@WomanDefiner Rental prices on suburban homes near me are definitely taking a hit. Sitting a bit longer on the market and being slashed repeatedly.