Esreaver

Fake gamer girl but real gamer guy

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

If we're made in god's image what the fuck was his inspiration for dinosaurs

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Oh, no, "daddy" is my father. Just call me "buddy"

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Ink stained Donald Trump Addresses Nation, "I have no idea who redacted all that information"

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Me, putting my cards face down without looking: "I like to live dangerously"
MTG player: "Can I get, like, a referee over here or something?"

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

My foreskin? You mean my perpetual lotion machine?

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

The thing you have to know about ladders is they can sense your fear

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

The Please Don't Destroy sketch special was phenomenal and the end has a special thanks to Tom Searle which means there's another Tom Searle or someone is a big Architects fan and boy do I have questions

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Being a dom is tough cause if a sub says "no" I have no back up plan and they can tell.

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Me: I like a lot of ice in my drink actually
The McDonald's Manager, eyes welling up with tears: Son?

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

@SmilingCurse I will consider making one just to follow you

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

"I hate to say I told you so"
WRONG
I love to say I told you so. Some of my favorite words. I'll say it for you.

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Me, on my way to ruin somebody's concert experience

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Riot Games just gonna offer us a cumdumpster Renekton emote and act like we're not gonna ask questions

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Me at night, writing down a deep thought.
Me in the morning, reading it back: "Damn it, it's just more Nickelback lyrics!"

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

In a cishet relationship girls should have to serve their time as top for a period, like compulsory military service, so they can appreciate how difficult it is.

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Depression is wanting to be called a good girl and manic is needing to be called a bad girl

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Oh-ho buddy, once I come up with a witty comeback you're in a WORLD of hurt

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

A thousand AI edits of memes and yet nobody has put the bee movie transcript on the scene from Love Actually with the cue cards, AI "artists" have no creativity.

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

My greatest fear is that one day I'll be listening to Soulja Boy's Crank That and near the beginning when it's like "aaaaaaaAAAAAAAH" it'll just keep getting louder forever

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Hades 2 vs 1 reaching the end:
Melinoe: I will kill you over and over if I must until you beg my father and his kin to tear you asunder once again
Zagreus: Made it to you once again father, this time with the help of bofa

[Esreaver @Esreaver]

Steward: There's a Dr. Thomas on this flight right? We need you in the cockpit!
Dad: That could've been you
Me: For the last time dad I don't want to be an identity thief