Ethan Mallone

[David Leavitt 🎲🎮🧙‍♂️🌈 @DavidLeavitt]

“Johnny 5 Will Return In Avengers: Doomsday”

[Oliver Darkshire 🌈 @deathbybadger]

ten years as an antiquarian, hearing nothing but "my relative kept these untouched in a box their whole life but they died, and I don't want this stuff" has radicalized me. annotate the books. use the china. wear the clothes until they wear out. your life should not be a museum

[Mark Coddington @markcoddington]

If you are a college student who likes to nod intently at your professors while they're talking in class, just know that all of them adore you and think you are the absolute greatest

[C H E L B! 🌭 @chelbb_]

currently eating at a restaurant in Edinburgh where they presented a variety of knives and asked me to “choose the knife that speaks to me most” for consumption of my meal

[Kristen Mulrooney @missmulrooney]

My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here.

[Ann Morgan @A_B_Morgan]

My seven-year-old asked for a dictionary this week. We went to the bookshop today to buy one. She walked home hugging it, pausing every so often to look up a word, grinning as though she had been given a book of spells, the key to wonders.

[mert @mert]

@morganhousel How 70-80 year olds are generally regarded as unemployable due to mental decline / skill mismatch - yet they're exclusively running the country

[Wiz Khalifa @wizkhalifa]

I used to think goin to sleep late was cool. Till i realized wakin up early is the real boss shit.

[Cats Against Humanity™ @CatsVsHumanity]

How to tell you're an adult:

• you gain 30lbs overnight

• you'd rather sleep than go out

• everything hurts

• comfort comes before style

• you have a favorite spatula

• everything feels like a chore

• college students look like 12yr olds

• you're always annoyed af

[Dept. of Agriculture @USDA]

While we removed the Kingdom of Wakanda from our list of US free trade partners, our relationship will always be strong #WakandaForever

[sloane (sîpihkopiyesîs) 🇵🇸🇨🇩🇸🇩 @cottoncandaddy]

demon: [looking around inside me] dude no offence but it’s like kind of a nightmare in here

me: haha yeah

demon: how are all your thoughts in comic sans

[Carolina Panthers @Panthers]

How we’re feeling today...