I feel like there's a lot of futility in my life
every time I try to drag myself out of this hole and make something with it I'm always beaten over with a stick and reminded how much of a useless piece of shit I am
I am in the camp that no one will mourn my disappearance selfishly this is one of my reasons for the hudsons bay trip next year by that time everyone should be settled into their new roles new friends parents in a new house a new era a era i never belonged in
I have a deep seeded fear and that fear is always been being left behind that one day i will become irrevelent enough that one day no one say anything to me anymore that one day everyone will move on and its so scary
Got done hanging out with a friend today was really fun but about an hour after they went home starting feeling a very strong feeling of melancholy does anyone know what the cause of this is?