Eva Valentine

My show is whatever you want it to be. From simple chat, to erotic striptease, to some of the most incredible shows you've ever seen! Let's have some fun NOW!

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

I need to eat but would have to put on clothes and TNT has supernatural on... no can do.

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

Now where did I put those handcuffs?

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

Sometimes I just wish I had more asses to tell people to kiss.

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

sometimes you have to finish all the tears to find a place in your heart to smile :)

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

Every time I post a picture it should read 'Masturbation Material' Seriously, please use them as such!

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

I'm lying in bed, feeling like I'm somewhere over Denver. The stars are out. Such a clear night.

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

In bed right now, rolling around, thinking dirty thoughts and wishing i was high

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

I gave up on Once upon a time and happily ever after along time ago, but then I met you

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

Clowns aren't scary. One has been staring at me from the cemetery next door, but I can't stop giggling at the balloon chainsaw he's making.

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

He's snoring so loud I can barely hear myself plotting his death.

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

The walk upstairs to my room is the slow walk of death to execution for batteries. Farg.

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

Take a hit from the bong, slam the tequila and then let me feel ya!

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

Unless you use those magic markers, you're absolutely straight on fucked

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

So, I am super sexed up today. Yeah, today is different from every other day.

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

I'm sending a tweet from inside Twitter HQ. I'll bet those hot girls in high school wish they had slept with me now

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

I've been carbo-loading for the last 30 years or so in case I ever need to go on a 5,000 mile run

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

I think the best thing about always wearing a clean pair of underwear is you're never really out of coffee filters.

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

truly hope that we will all be friends until we are all old and senile... Then we can be NEW friends again!

[Eva Valentine @EvaValentine94]

Consuming abusive amounts of low quality carbs just feels like the thing to do today :) & Masturbate.