Remy

My life

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Just found out the cast of Buffy is going be at pdx wizard world... Except my celebrity crush. Wtf @SethGreen? My husband says thanks though.

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Ever get really confident in your adulting abilities only to find a burger in your purse from a week ago? Asking for a friend.

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Me: I want a rock
Husband: Take the rock from that little kid
M: I want to find one though
H: You did find one, in his hand. You found yourself taking the kids life, you found the monster inside you. You found a lot of things about yourself today.

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

@wabbygilliams Awful little things, aren't they?

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Current garbage person status:
Using this app to waste time because it's the only one I'm not ignoring multiple people on.

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

@wabbygilliams Why must you take everything from me child?

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

"You looking at me and assuming I haven't been crushin' puss my entire life is, frankly, INSANE."

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Update: she knocked on my window and tried to yell at me but I told her I couldn't hear her and turned it up. She stalked off. Gotcha bitch.

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Bitchy mom in the car next to mine is glaring at me for playing music while she takes forever to unload kids. Tech n9ne on full blast it is.

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Moral of the story: Children are petty spiteful creatures & so am I.

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

If you are horrible customers with children I will make one of their crepes look like magic & one like shit so I can laugh while they scream

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

@gabbywi11iams looking at your tweets today should I hide the razor blades?

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

True love is divvying the bag of fast food and giving the fullest fry box to your spouse. #ultimatewaifu #neverforgetmysacrifice

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Buying an adult purse has brought about the fall of the purse burger regime. From the ashes rises the pocket burger. #dualpurposehandwarmer

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

@gabbywi11iams I admire our new presidents dedication to spray tan.

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Judging by the noises I'm hearing from next door they are trying to

A) Rape an aggressive gazelle

Or

B) Dismantle a body with a toaster

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

Been playing Take on Me by A-HA on repeat for 2 hours.
Average customer stay before: 10 years
Now: 3 minutes TOPS
#psychologicalwarfare

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

"I didn't want this... I didn't want a fist-fuck sandwich between two dudes." #husbandplayingdarksouls3

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

@rxtted AKA any conversation we had that I claimed I wasn't staring at your boobs.

[Remy @ExplosiveDecoy]

"Man fucks various saxophones aggressively with no lube" AKA my boss's favorite band to put on the work playlist. #myearsarebleedinghelp