Feeling weirdly alone this evening not entierly sure why I wish I didn't feel like this most of the time, I've been trying to take a better outlook on life recently being postive outward facing effectivly trying to gaslight my mood it hasn't been working
Read about something called Cotard's syndrome pretty fucking weird don't think I have it but I do sometimes feel like I must be dead did get me thinking maybe I have like a under devloped amygdalae or something probs not I have a good mind for face but still intreasting
I speak to myslef fairly often and have always wondered if its normal or not,at the very least asking myself if I'm happy or not is proberly not the best sign when it comes to my mental well being
I peered a future this evening and saw some writing on the wall I don't know what it is but anytime I try talk to people they just don't want to know everyone has someone even my closest freind has others I just don't
Another year older I don't know why I always expect something to change when it never does I truley can't stand the eternal spin of time the past inceases the future recedes possibilites decreasing regrets mounting
Had a fantastic day had a interview it went awful have a feeling they saw my name and did like a check or something saw my mental health shit and got the fucking lakes dr to chew me out nothing ever goes right for this fucking guy
Feeling at another low point in my life very few things ever go my way I've moved from hoping things will get better to trying to think of ways I can get more comftable with killing myself
Very torn a few days ago started talking to a really nice guy he honestly seems great but something in my gut is throwing up red flags hes intreasted in a relationship but hes going super fast for me other than my best freind no one treats me even remotly as well
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Nope nothing changed no one can understand the shit path my life has gone down anytime I compare myself to anyone my life is way worse like nothing ever goes my way pretty much everyone I know is smarter better looking and able to achive their goals
Something has changed I don't feel great I think the thing is happening I'm not looking forward to it I feel like the final strings on my life and sanity are pulling tight and fraying under the pressure of my pathetic life
day schitzo post was in town today wasn't feeling to bad then had some randoms girls laugh as I walked past and very loudly say "imagine if you were as ugly as him I think I'd just kill myself" chance they weren't talking about me but it seemed like too much of a coincidence