Fred Ferguson

No white carpets

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

I met a girl once, she fell in love with me because I had ear lobes. She had never seen them before.

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

Every time I breathe through my nose I realize I just did a class 1 drug

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

"The safest place to have it, is on your person"

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

1983

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

Can you google siri and find out

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

"You don't have to outrun the lion you just have to outrun the bear"

"...That's not how the saying goes"

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

I tell everyone I'm almost out of pot whether it's true or not

[Nick Butler @nickk_butlerr]

When you get too hyped too early

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

@jazmasta @nickk_butlerr that'd be a guaranteed win

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

I had a dog for a year once. One day he just left.

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

@sneeekzzz I'm always preaching and practicing boii

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

Who was the first person to eat artichoke?

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

*puts in hearing aid*
Oh there's a whole world out there...sounds!

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

@bensownworld but when I do, it's... Pacifico?

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

Frugal keeps it going

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

"How many times have you said that to us?"
"A million, but someone recorded it and they just replayed it"

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

These dime bags are for tuna sandwiches-small ones

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

Oh he'll smoke a cigarette but not the benign, good for you weed

[Fred Ferguson @FILMOREFRED]

Ah man that first hit of the day when sometimes you have to buy your own bday present and its a lamp its a double double yoke day