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[⋆｡𖦹° ꕤ @rakkofan]

i wake up, i cry over spilt milk, put all of my eggs in one basket, bite off more than i can chew, jump the gun, fly off the handle and then die on that hill

[mas0n⸆⸉ 🌊☁️ | THE ENCORE @portofino_view]

why is dick van dyke an acceptable name but pussy van faggot isn’t

[🧞‍♂️ @FR3DOGENE]

Ppl b so mad at me n I completely understand why

[Kattoo King @SimplyKattoo]

The alcohol in a martini should be enough to kill the parasite in my ceasar salad, and then I'll pair it with fries, which are safe

[Homo Honey @DixPeyton]

if i owe you a text back just imagine what i owe the government

[ivy park township @hugefarm]

Sometimes talking to my mom feels like this but I still need her

[Big Timi @OrevaZSN]

YouTubers be like “wake up at 4am and run, that’s alpha!” No, it’s not. Look at apex predators; they’re all lazy. Bears hibernate, lions sleep all day. You know who wakes up at 4am and runs? Squirrels.

[beau i'spose 🦌 @frenchfrydream_]

the older I grow the more I dont play abt children like they're literally new here have some respect

[miri @mishtimere]

If you don’t lock in this week they’re gonna fucking get you

[charlie @BUNNlCULA]

a sunny day in san francisco is the best thing in the world

[𝐵𝑎𝑏𝑦 𝐾 ❤︎ ⋆ ݁ ⸌̑⸍͂ @misskerrington]

being a woman is like would you rather be dehumanised for being sexy or for being ugly

[wanye @xwanyex]

Moon has been nuts lately. You need to be noticing the moon.

[Kali @Kali_de_Armas]

The "Jesus didn't even exist, he was a mythological figure" people have things completely backwards. Jesus was 2 guys. That's how they pulled off the Resurrection. Twins. And they were both Filipino.

[Moniza Hossain @moniza_hossain]

I see the way my friends (educated, middle-class) are parenting their toddlers: no screen time, books galore, exposure to enrichment activities, and there’s going to be a divide along class lines so vast I don’t even think we can fathom it right now

[Cartoons Hate Her! @CartoonsHateHer]

My biggest gripe about the “toddler” focused gentle parenting experts is that they fail to distinguish between behaviors that we should tolerate in an 18 month old vs a 4 year old

[🛸 @itzt3z]

LMAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOO

[Wolf of X @WolfofX]

10. Mike Tyson once offered a zookeeper $10,000 to open the gate so he could go in the pen and fight the gorilla who has bullying the other primates. Tyson's offer was turned down.