First Things First

⭐️ Relationship advice for the married, engaged, parents, and friends
⚠️ All research-based
👉🏾 Non-profit

[Trey & Lea's Stronger Marriages @StrongMarriage5]

The more you look for the good in your spouse, the more you'll see. At the same time, the more you focus on the bad in your spouse, the more you'll see.

[S T U G R A Y @stugray]

No matter where your relationship is at right now, you have the power to change it.

Take action by:

🔶Learning new skills
🔶Attending workshops
🔶Reading a Book
🔶Seeking guidance from a pastor or counselor

Positive change starts with taking different actions.

[First Things First @FTFCha]

@stugray This is SO true.

[Building Great Marriages @dovidfeldman]

How to avoid fighting with your partner often:

Make the conscious choice to overlook small mishaps.

Ask yourself: In the context of my entire relationship, to what extent is this really a big deal? Is this a foundational issue that is worth threatening my relationship over?

[Nate Postlethwait @nate_postlethwt]

Love yourself so well that the trauma you’ve blamed yourself for no longer has a place to hide.

[Nate Postlethwait @nate_postlethwt]

A sign of growth is learning to be kind to yourself on your hard days. We are conditioned to shame ourselves for not knowing exactly how to respond to make ourselves happier, or identify what’s wrong. Sometimes we are at a breaking point and what we need most is kindness.

[First Things First @FTFCha]

Conversation starter for a deeper date:
1: On a scale of 1-10, how well would you say I know you?
2: What's one thing I can do to be a better listener?
3: How can I better express my feelings and emotions to you?
4: How have you seen me change since the first time we met?

[First Things First @FTFCha]

Compassion: "I am moved by you"
- A daily practice of using empathy
- Recognizes and accepts our shared humanity
- Treats ourselves and others with loving-kindness
- Active, not passive
- Moves us to do something: embrace, assure, advocate

[First Things First @FTFCha]

Empathy: "I get it, I believe you, and I feel with you"
- An emotional skill set that you can strengthen by practicing
- Focuses on a person's emotions, not the events or circumstances
- Moves beyond "putting yourself in their shoes" to believing their experience

[First Things First @FTFCha]

What's the worst advice you received as a first-time parent?

[First Things First @FTFCha]

Sympathy = "I feel so bad for you."
- Passive, not active
- Keeps emotional distance
- Creates disconnection
- Can often come across as:
1: Diminishing: "At least..."
2: Dismissing: "Calm down, you're overthinking..."
3: Dishing out advice: "If I were you, I'd..."

[First Things First @FTFCha]

Pity = "I feel sorry for you"
- Focuses on elevating yourself
- Creates emotional distance
- Avoids sharing in other's pain
- Can dehumanize or belittle someone

[Nate Postlethwait @nate_postlethwt]

Healing is lonely, but the healed version of you is who you need most.

[S T U G R A Y @stugray]

Feelings are fickle.

I can have 15 different feelings in about 15 seconds.

We have to base our lives on something more than our up and down emotions and feelings.

[First Things First @FTFCha]

How does stress affect sex for you?
Some people have to feel de-stressed before the lovemaking commences. Others de-stress when they have sex. One isn’t any better than the other. But knowing where your partner is on the spectrum helps you set the tone.

[First Things First @FTFCha]

Everyone has their own take on what makes sex enjoyable. Asking your partner what makes it fun for them increases intimacy and facilitates a better experience!

[First Things First @FTFCha]

Try this spicy date night this weekend!:

https://t.co/aG42yjaSm4

[First Things First @FTFCha]

@GramBee1975 Yikes, this is true as well!

[First Things First @FTFCha]

Moms go into information overload as soon as their kid is born and try their hardest to provide all of the "shoulds" for their kid. There is immense pressure to raise an awesome kid, and moms are told that to do so requires everything from them.

[First Things First @FTFCha]

@MsMichele8 Definitely true!

[First Things First @FTFCha]

@DonnaHartline22 It's not about being "liked" by your child constantly.

[First Things First @FTFCha]

Being the parent of adult children who make poor decisions is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to do what you know is in their best interest. Stand strong. Love powerfully. And, in those moments when you are weak and deviate from the plan, give yourself grace.