Templeton Moss

Storyteller/cartoonist/silly person. Avid napper, pizza aficionado, cartoon connoisseur. Award-winning writer, published poet, Disney expert. Pretty okay guy.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

My dudes! My dudes!!

My sister needs help!

Retweet, give what you can, be a pal! Please.

https://t.co/fibXYQxVMa

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

I have decided to abandon human society and live out my days as a hippo.

Wallowing, being chubby, killing more humans per year than any other land mammal…plus I can make friends with all the birds who perch on my back!

#HippoLife

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@Cactuscali19912 Leading into Tuesday Trepidation, Wednesday Wantonness, Thursday Thanatology and…and…

I’m gonna go have a little lie down.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

How long did it take you guys to get sick and tired of the “Fake band will not be performing at America’s 250th birthday” joke? I think it took me less than a day.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@HighlyIngenious @JustLikeMikee Tragically beautiful.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

Hey!

Who’s talking crap about Big Bird?

You better not be talking crap about my buddy Big Bird.

I love Big Bird.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@kryzazzy My enemies list includes half my coworkers, some girl I went to middle school with and the stingray that killed Steve Irwin.

Yeah, I’m still mad about that. You got a problem I can help you with?

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@kv8 Just saw an ad for Dove “Full Body Deo.” The product is actually called “Deo.” It made me hate all of the persons.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@mooninabucket I can top that: I was once in that same situation and I said, “JP as in Joaquin Phoenix.”

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@iGreenGod Ten if you count my Mickey Mouse shoe slippers.

Which I do!

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@Cactuscali19912 🎼 I like flat earths and I cannot lie!
All the science I will deny!
Cuz I walk on in with a iddy-biddy brain
Sayin’ “Earth is just a plane!” 🎶

And that’s all I got.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@KoKeniSaskqatch I’ve always said women should stay in the kitchen. Otherwise they come unplugged and water leaks everywhere and all the food spoils…no, hang on, fridges. Fridges should stay in the kitchen. Not women.

I’m sorry, I got that wrong.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@Sammy_1999_ We all appreciate the effort you put in.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@oksheesh I just want to know what it was cured of.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@MacDicksonShow Let the man speak!!

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@JackKel19462997 Grownups make me nervous, I’d rather be around babies.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@PearlsFromMyrna I do. Trust me, you’re better off not knowing.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

@BeeClaudia00 Samesies.

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

I invented a thing! I call them "Tairy Fales!"

They're fairy tale mashups. Take a little of one story, little bit of another and--BOOM!--you got something brand new and kinda silly!

#TairyFales

https://t.co/WrZHklOwrA

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

Elephant pants! Elephant pants!
Put on a top hat and go to a dance!
Dance with an elephant, bring her some punch.
Maybe on Tuesday, you'll go out for brunch.

https://t.co/O7eo2cE0jq

[Templeton Moss @FaceMoss]

Is your kid too damn smart for their own good?

Do they crave mystery stories but find Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys boring?

Then they might just like my all-ages take on Sherlock Holmes, Shelly Hobbes.

https://t.co/Q6ceDeI8wr