sorry i promised a longer tweet and its been a minute, had a lot going on. i really appreciate all of the kind words and everyone who reached out i wish i couldve replied to all of u but uhhhh my track record with the whole replying to ppl thing already isnt so great and me and my family have been going thru a lot recently.
just around when i was retiring, i learned that id lost my brother. didnt rly wanna talk about it on socials cuz honestly i figured the public outpour of sympathy would prolly do more harm than good for me but im in a better place in terms of sharing now and i feel its my obligatory duty to try and reach the people stuck in the 16 hour ranked -> nap -> repeat cycle. if thats u im begging u to take a minute to go hug the people u care about in ur life and tell them how much they mean to u, its so easy to watch years slip away to the grind without ever looking around and remembering wat its all for. i feel like all i do is speak in dumb cliches lately but the older i get the more i realize theyre all cliches for a reason.
if the 16 hour ranked people are still reading, u might wanna read a couple more lines. it might seem obvious but going thru this really only made it more clear to me that this shit isnt for me and retiring was the right decision, i dont think ill ever want to compete in esports ever again. if thats the only reason u followed this account and u wanna dip thats chill and understandable.
i hoped to have more of a concrete answer in terms of what i want to do going forward for u guys by now but uhh with everything i aint rly got there yet. ive lowkey just been having fun learning new things, writing a bit, most of my time lately been going towards learning flstudio. idk. its been really nice to pursue hobbies that actually bring me joy and give me good thoughts and dont require me to abuse drugs and neglect my health!! its so much easier than u think to just try new stuff and have fun and i dont rly know abt all this yet but i feel like the voice in ur head that keeps going "u suck at this and u need to be the fucking greatest like yesterday" probably gets quieter the more u pursue things for love and passion. ill get back to u on that tho.
i have lost my train of thought. iunno i think im just gonna keep taking some time to find things that bring me joy and perhaps some day soon i will make something that i feel proud of enough to share with u guys, or perhaps i will decide that all of that isnt for me and ill leave behind some sort of insane rambling manuscripts or something to be found decades after my death in a small cabin in the woods somewhere. might turn the stream on to yap and farm some shitty arpg at 5am occasionally if thats chill.
u guys are awesome and if u truly love esports thats awesome but just remember to take a minute sometimes, ykno? and also maybe its really important to have other things in ur life that bring u joy just in case this shit ever stops and u dont know wat to do with urself. later for now