ABQ Police Squad

The rootinest, tootinest, shootinest police force on both sides of the rio grande.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Maybe you didn't hear about it. We shot and killed a 19 year old girl this week. Business as usual.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Some dirtbags vandalized a few police stations this morning. APD promptly responded by hearing about it on the news like everyone else.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Currently, only 27% of APD officers have crisis intervention training. The other 73% have all the Dirty Harry movies on blu-ray.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Ex-cop thinks now's the time to ask for his job back after getting fired for repeatedly kicking a guy in the head! http://t.co/HCf6ZLs3Fp

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

James Boyd was only shot at because he was holding knives and we heard a rumor that he had robotic arms that could extend over 20ft.

[Sta Way @ask_a_whiteguy]

Who needs the tv show COPS, Albuquerque Police Chief Eden made ABQ look terrible on national news for two weeks already.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

@Alipie02 thanks for the feedback. Sorry about that.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Another shooting today. Not us though, this time is was U.S. Marshals. They must have heard how officers don't get in trouble here.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

We totally forgot that our police horses can't wear gas masks but we took them to the protest where we used tear gas. We're smart like that.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

We seriously need to change our slogan. We were drunk when we came up with "In step with the community".

[Jeff Proctor @cjproctor74]

This just got pasted onto the window at APD HQ #APDProtest

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

We hope everybody enjoyed our tear gas bombs today! We're not sure how we're protecting and serving the community, but whatever.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Getting our riot gear together for the big protest happening today. The best way of dealing with angry citizens is through intimidation.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

The hacker group "Anonymous" has threatened APD with a cyber attack. APD will retaliate by shooting the entire internet in the back.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Stopped traffic to check out this suspicious package we've seen on Central. No, we're not doing another anal cavity search, maybe next time.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Both directions of Juan Tabo are closed at Central. Drive on another street if you know what's good for you.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Sure we've got all kinds of non-lethal weapons. But we don't get paid leave and a $500 bonus if we don't kill anybody.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

People are saying we're murderers, but that's not entirely true. Give us some credit. Some of us are into child pornography also.

[ABQ Police Squad @FakeAbqPolice]

Bummer! The Department of Justice is investigating all our dirty business.