Arlo Whíte

Not Arlo White, also known as #ArsenalArlo, imperceptibly biased Premier League commentator for NBC Sports in the USA. I use words like "verve" and wear suits.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

I must confess the reason I don’t remember @ErikLamela and the #rabona was that the fumes given off by the @Arsenal mystique made me woozy.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

A North London Derby is a wonderful feeling, like a fresh diaper over a hand applied coat of cool, dry powder. #ARSTOT #PremierLeague #NBC

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

@brfootball @USMNT How do you bring back something which you never possessed?

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

@GrantWahl If the torch is being passed to anyone from @PSG_inside you can be sure the building in which it’s been passed will presently be burning to the ground.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

Few sights make my eyelids tremble as do the glowing pectorals of the dancer with the most mellifluous name Shkodran Mustafi @MustafiOfficial.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

How I loved watching @TheGouldfather leading @Arsenal onto the pitch. This was the balding, paunchy era of English football. We’d watch behind drawn curtains at home in Leicester as they ran onto the Highbury pitch and accumulated grass stains on shorts. I salute you, Bobby!

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

@emilesmithrowe a fellow so nice, as my @NBCSportsSoccer colleague #RebeccaLowe likes to say in her American style, that they’ve named him thrice, has the most athletic ankles I’ve ever seen except for @MustafiOfficial.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

So wonderful, really, to see the jolly Spaniard @m8arteta bring the #Gunners back to winning ways. This completely settles the account with the winless streaks earlier this season as if it never happened. We are now back in the top 2/3 of the table!!

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

Where is @MesutOzil1088 önyway? Wönder why they never talk about him any more? Because he’s actually on the right side of human decency about the way those who gave us Cövid-19 treat minorities?

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

If @LacazetteAlex looked any more lost, @NBCSportsSoccer and #RebeccaLowe would adopt him as a stray.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

To quote that amazing @htafc supporter @SirPatStew... #Xhaka, when the walls fell. Make it so, Number Five.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

Was just informed that I’m here at the #NorthLondonDerby on @NBCSportsSoccer with @graemelesaux14. Sorry, I can’t tell him from @LeeDixon2 either.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

Bliss. I waved at @Bernd_Leno and he smiled at me.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

To my alter ego @arlowhite on @NBCSportsSoccer, remember you and @LeeDixon2 will never have a better opportunity to use the tannoy to order 10 anchovy pizzas to #JoseMourinho’s office and bill them to #Levy.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

The deepest woe of the return of fans to the grounds is the added 2,000 pairs of eyes who can discern my fake neutrality in this Capitol clash. #COYG #ArsenalArlo

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

Alert to @NBCSportsSoccer: I will be leaving at the half time to have my lips surgically removed from #PepGuardiola’s bum.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

@arlowhite I for one can’t resist the European Supper League. It remains to be seen if Balotelli will urinate in the champagne punch again this year.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

@arlowhite We had a great day at that UFO @SpursOfficial landed on White Hart Lane, didn’t we? I thought we weren’t rough enough on Mourino. Maybe next time we should talk about his droopy eyelid?

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

It’s a splendid Sunday for football in the Capital, to be ruined so casually by the fact that I’m one of about 50 people in London who can actually see any of it. I am truly privileged and if you are reading this on Twitter you are not privileged at all.

[Arlo Whíte @FakeArlo]

I suppose, if I must, like Baldwin with that dreadful Edward VIII, describe women's football for Americans, be grateful that it's @Arsenal.