We don't expect much to change here at EOIR in the event of a Biden victory, but rumor has it he'll make us give each respondent a gentle kiss on the forehead before entering a removal order.
Being a DHS trial attorney is like lawyering while in a hammock on a beach, with the judge handing you cool drinks on one side and the Congress on the other fanning you off while they both cheer you on.
Due to our landlord being a total chode, EOIR is suspending operations at the Houston - Smith Street Immigration Court.
If anyone has a couch we can crash on until we get our security deposit back, that would be mint.
Tips for a Successful Webex Hearing #1:
Call in by video using your computer, and also dial in using your phone. Do not mute either device. This will result in an infinite, horrifying echo, which we find really drives home the hopelessness of the situation in our courtrooms.
Due to COVID-19, hearings for unrepresented, non-detained respondents will be postponed.
Represented respondents and their counsel are invited to fuck off and die.
Operational Status Update: Due to inclement weather, the Elizabeth, Newark, New York - Broadway, New York - Federal Plaza, and New York - Varick immigration courts will be merged into one big underwater mega court (Atlantis Immigration Court).
Sorry we've been gone for a while. The Biden administration's wish for EOIR is that we do as close to absolutely fucking nothing as possible, so we've been going with that.
EOIR is pleased to announce that we have hired several more people who you'll have to explain the categorical approach to, possibly for the first time ever.