Fake Magnum PI

Private investigator, Vietnam Vet, Mustache.

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

I have an uncanny knack for painting myself into a corner… but those folks @Benjamin_Moore need to give me more help before I start!

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

@_babsg_ Um… what?

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

Helped a wonderful long time friend and client. Everyone smiled at the end.
Things not discussed:
Her actual granddaughter is dead.
Her fake granddaughter somehow was able to marry Sam Malone even though real granddaughter is dead.
Sam Malone got chewed up by boat propellers.

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

@alifarhat79 Pay my bar tab at the King Kamehameha club… maybe.

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

@TheWapplehouse Hi guys!

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

For real impact help for the #Maui fire, please consider https://t.co/Zqi8rLbJSs

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

For real impact help for the #Maui fire, please consider https://t.co/pUu6SqcKJ5

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

For real impact help for the #Maui fire, please consider https://t.co/xiqAhKYqLa

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

For real impact help for the #Maui fire, please consider https://t.co/vjgakoEdoC

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

The devastating fires on #Maui weigh on us all. I’m going to send some links for worthy causes that me, Higgy, Theodore and Ricky support. You decide where your money goes but, if you can, please help.

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

Higgins moved a couple of… uh… flight attendants into the guest house. Turns out these stew… uh… flight attendants are assassins! This is like the 39th time this has happened!

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

Time has little to do with infinity and jelly donuts. But I always bring an extra pair of undies to a stake out because of time and jelly donuts.

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

Early morning surf ski, now free beer at the club. Then maybe we’ll blow up the Ferrari, I don’t know. They day is young.

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

Higgins loves their Spaghetti Vesuvius. But you can’t be around him once he’s finished… crop dusting and such.💨 💩

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

When I write my book about being a world class private investigator I’m going to include a chapter on not eating at Jack In a the Box before the big event. On a related note, to anyone who stumbled upon the dumpster behind the 7-11 on Kalihi St, please know it was an emergency!

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

Luther H. Gillis just came by for a visit… again. I think he had spaghetti sauce on his shirt and he kept asking me if he could watch Better Call Saul on my Netflix. What? I think he may have had a stroke.

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

@joelbrantley Two Old Düsseldorf’s and not paying the rest of the tab is my usual situation. Your mileage may vary. Just depends on whether you care what Rick says. Don’t tell Higgins!

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

Agatha (Higgins’ secret spooning partner) told me I need a #BlueCheck to be more legit. So I went to see the doctor. I didn’t expect rubber gloves to be involved.

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

@TitterDaily What if you’re a parody account of a fictional mustache?

[Fake Magnum PI @FakeMagnumPI]

Rick and TC finally found me in the dang ocean. This has been happening for for like 4 decades, what they heck is their problem? Happy #4thofJuly