Fake Pat Shurmur

The best fake coach in the history of the Cleveland Browns. Parody.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

Anytime you can let MY offense score 33 points on you......

....... Well I can’t help you there. That’s the ultimate #battle.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

Anytime you can fail to trade a 2nd round pick for a good QB and instead try - and fail - to trade for a bad QB with MORE picks, you do it.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

I’m sorry, I’ve been secretly running the Browns front office for the last year and a half.

What have I missed on twitter?

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

People paid thousands of dollars to watch this in person. Solid investment! #progress

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

When you script the start of games, that's what you script.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

IT'S GAMEDAY! Now that we got rid of all the veteran players who make plays, we can get to the task at hand - #PROGRESS!

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

When you have an MVP caliber point guard, it's important to trade him for a PG on a 1-year deal, a backup SF, and maybe a pick. #battle

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

@DreKnott *one's ... C'mon Dre.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

I applaud the @cavs for trading Kyrie Irving. That guy scores way too many points.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

I know. I made the playbook. https://t.co/5pLTwE0ZRb

[ℝ𝕠𝕓 𝕆𝕟 𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕖 @ItsRobbyBitch]

This has been true for a good 6 years https://t.co/T1ofjAGrPv

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

The first page of the Browns playbook says the following:

"If you get a first down, it is MANDATORY that you false start on the next play."

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

When it's 3rd-and-13, it's important to call a play that only has the potential to gain 3 yards. #Coaching101

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

I understand taking Osweiler out so early. You don't wreck the Ferrari on the test drive. Save it for the main event.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

BROWNS DRINKING GAME:

Drink every time the team doesn't even attempt to throw past the sticks on 3rd down.

Enjoy alcohol poisoning.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

Always appreciate the 7-yard run on 3rd-and-9.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

Name Brock the starter now. NOW! #progress

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

Only if we would have been on offense..... https://t.co/eiBRX1b5I0

[Ken Carman @KenCarman]

A punt on the first possession.

Not snark, or sarcasm, that's progress.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

We have 12 injured players. Mid season form!

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

PUMPED for some #progress tonight. Exciting that ESPN is running seven hours of commercials before we dive into the #battle.

[Fake Pat Shurmur @FakePatShurmur]

No. Need someone more obscure. Randall Telfer? Danny Vitale? https://t.co/Fa8MggHOgj

[Terry Tate @TerryTate216]

@FakePatShurmur How many carries to see David Njoku getting this year, about a 100?