Fake PewResearch

Interesting data from the Fake Pew Research Institute. All material copyright The Bureau Chiefs, LLC. Contact: FakePewResearch at gmail. No submissions, please.

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October Surprises: Lemon filling (29%); coconut (10%); raisins (3%); nougat
(13%); human fingernail (4%)

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This year's most popular women's costumes: sexy nurse (25%); sexy cop (25%); victim of patriarchal culture (50%)

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Composition of Nate Silver: Silver (.002%); copper (2%); percentages (97.998%) #538stats

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Nate Silver is: getting laid (0%); pwning in CoD: Black Ops (0%); making formulas about what Nebraskans ate for lunch (100%) #538stats

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Nate Silver is a: killjoy (15%); meanie (20%); a total sucker for doing our job for us (65%) #538stats

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Replacement Refs: Pinkerton Agents (11%); fans of "Football" on Facebook (88%); Frank Caliendo (1%) #NFLStats

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Projected player conviction rates: assault 50%, fraud 15%, tiger fighting 6% #NFLStats

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My supervisor: How far is his head up his own ass? 90%, +/- 5%.

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Biggest Jerks: Rasmussen (31%); Zogby (22%); Quinnipiac Univ. (19%); Gallup (15%); Washington Post/ABC (8%); American Research Group (4%)

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Importance to wine purchase decision: Year (6%); flavor (8%); price (32%); cool label (54%) #WineStats

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Favorite celebrity winemakers: Francis Ford Coppola (72%); A.J. from The Sopranos (21%); Ghost of Jimmy Cagney (7%) #WineStats

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Reactions To Wine Tasting: Crisp, with a smooth aftertaste (41%); bland and pedestrian (38%), you think yer better'n me?! (21%) #WineStats

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Best served from: A cask (11%), a bottle (34%), a box (27%), strained through pantyhose smuggled in by a guard (28%) #WineStats

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I never drink: Wine (100%); anything that isn't your blood (also 100%) #WineStats

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On our cheese plate: Gouda (36%); Brie (31%); Gruyere (25%); Whiz (7%), Easy (1%) #WineStats

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Best way to drink white wine: Chilled (21%); Ice cubes (7%); way the hell away from my mother-in-law (72%) #WineStats

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Red, Red Wine: Makes me feel so fine (50%); Keeps me going all of the time (50%) #WineStats

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Favorite California Wine Country: Napa Valley (36%); Paso Robles (23%); Huntington Beach Olive Garden (41%) #WineStats

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Odds of using correct glass for wine type: 2 in 5. Odds of caring after third glass: 0

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Appendages used to crush grapes: Feet (77%); Hands (20%); Other (dongs) (3%) #WineStats