Fake Rachel

Now with an extra dose of bitter.

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

@david_andreatta @MedleyCentre Outwit. Outplay. Outlast. The 3 words I live by. Or 5 words-add “me” and “I”

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

@WillCleveland13 🙋‍♀️

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

For everybody asking where I’ve been, FakeRachel doesn’t do #Roc primaries. That’s like asking @MedleyCentre to care about Ridgemont Plaza. It’s beneath us. (Although so is being in the general for a Leg seat. But keep that between us.)

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

Wait. WAIT. The Leg? The f*****g Leg. And a primary? WTF.

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

Whaaaat? A primary? Really? I only won a primary? For City Council? Well s**t. Does anyone know how to break a lease in DC? #Roc

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

Hell yeah. Get the big chair ready. Fill the K Street coffers. I’m going to Congress. The District won’t know how to handle FRB. #Roc

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

@AdamChodak @nholland13wham @MedleyCentre @chodakschickens Did someone say chicken? No one gets to talk poultry except me, Chodak. You know the @popeyeschicken #Roc rule. Only me. In perpetuity.

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

My internal polling shows that Astacio is only SLIGHTLY ahead of me in favorability ratings. Could be the lawn signs. Or her love or shotguns. Probably the guns. #Roc

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

I figured it out. It’s the initials. RBG, AOC and now FRB, baby. Freaking FRB. #Roc #FRBforever #FRBrocs

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

Can you be indicted for saying you chipped in for the group lunch when you didn’t? Multiple times? And took the leftovers? Asking for a friend.

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

Where do I register to run for the Kodak Board of Directors?

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

@evandawson Before I agree to co-host, we need ground rules. No callers. You talk only about me. And I only talk about me. And I want a special reserved sign in the @WXXINews #Roc garage.

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

How about you pretend that I was never tight with Robert Scott Gaddy — and in return I will pretend that I like you? Deal? Deal. #NothingToSeeHere #Roc

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

My mom will back me up, #Roc. I used to sign along to a Los Lobos cassette tape. You know the song. My Bumba or something like that. #Latina4Ever

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

There is no truth to the rumor that my #Roc exploratory committee disbanded. They are merely lost.

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

My campaign committee has informed me that Bill Murray may have made this speech in Independence Day. We are trying to confirm. Dispatched intern to #Roc Blockbuster on Goodman and Park to rent copies.

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

My name should have new meaning for all of us today, #Roc. We can be consumed by our petty differences evermore.

We will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish without a fight. We're going to live on. We're going to survive.

Today, we celebrate our Groundhog Day.

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

Bill Murray: America’s greatest orator.

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

If @CoryBooker can announce on the first day of Black History Month, why would I announce on any other date except Groundhog Day? One more time, #Roc. One more time. #February2

[Fake Rachel @FakeRachelBarn]

Why did @BobLonsberry already pivot from me to a #Roc RPD hero? Crazy sells, Bobby. I’m your star. #CrazyRach