Steve Carell

Hi there, I'm fake Steve Carell. I tweet crazy words that fly out of my mouth... mostly while I am drunk or making out with a hooker.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

If I’m not back in five minutes… wait longer!

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

God bless America, and get home safe.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

We need to get her out of there because no one is going to want to go in there with a woman riding around on the floor.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

Suprise! As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's for Charles. #TheOffice

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

And now, presenting... Slum Dunder-Mifflinaire!

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

Guess what? White and eggshell white are exactly the same color. Exactly!!!

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

They say that laughter is the best medicine, so, Stanley, you can throw away those pills you are cured.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

Uhh... I need some advice. From one baby daddy to another.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Foul. Naked aggression.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

You know what I should have been doing? I should've been out at bars, finding my wife. Making babies.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

I want you listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I am going to come at you. And I am going to come at you hard.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

I am so impressed with the potential you see in me.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

Your "I need you to" is my command.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

I could go for an appeteaser. Do you have any bagel bites or something?

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

I hate disappointing just one person. And I really hate disappointing everyone. But I love Burlington Coat Factory.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

Well you, are bonerific.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

Today I am in charge of picking a great new healthcare plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um, yes.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

You need to get back on top. That's what she said.

[Steve Carell @FakeSteveCarell]

Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but, at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.