Fake John Tortorella

ESPN analyst, former Hockey Coach, Columbus Blue Jackets. Parody account. Don't piss me off.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Last place team photo.

[Mike F’ing Babcock @BabcockCBJ]

Anybody want a house for cheap?

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

.@BabcockCBJ it’s all yours

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Congrats to the CBJ for not getting the fourth fucking pick.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Anticipointment.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

I told him he should have tanked.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

I’m doing the admirable and responsible thing by returning to Columbus for the next coaching change.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Just called Jarmo and told them to do the right thing by firing Brad Larsen in Finland and having him figure out how to get his ass home.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

@therightbrainx fuck you

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Just sent this over to Brad Larsen… just in case.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Jesus… u2 dating?

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

If you can stop fast moving pucks and are able to be in Raleigh by dinner time tonight, please slide in my DMs ASAP.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

I might be coaching elsewhere but I’ll still be Twitter coaching the CBJ. If you have an issue with that, you may kindly fuck yourself.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Time for my monthly reminder to tell all of you to go fuck yourselves… unless you own an animal.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Fuck you.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Tampa Bay has a lot of trouble with teams that begin with COL.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

Philadelphia sports fans are the worst.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

.@GrittyNHL tell me about your organization’s benefits, 401k offerings, etc.

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

.@FlaPanthers my DMs are open

[Fake John Tortorella @FakeTortsESPN]

they didn’t fuck this up