Henry Kissinger fake

56th United States Secretary of State and Chairman, Kissinger Associates (parody)

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

After much soul-searching, I have an important decision to announce. I am formally endorsing Mitt Romney for President of the United States.

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

For all those non-profits asking me to donate my time, I don't get out of bed for less than $100 k ...Because I'm worth it.

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

That's the last time I play the Mitt Romney Drinking Game! Every time he fired one of his house staff, we all had to down shots! #hangover

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

There's no need for concern. Dick Cheney's old heart will be stored at Los Alamos in accordance with standard safety protocols. #prayfordick

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

I'm told Dick Cheney is a new man after his heart transplant. He's been asking his horrified family for an ACLU membership form #prayfordick

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

My new intern dropped my Nobel Peace Prize when he was dusting. I lost my temper and threatened to "napalm his ass". #remorse

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

Text from Hillary: "Barack promised me the World Bank presidency. To my face! With that fucking cheesy grin of his... call me x"

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

Like all of us, Joseph Kony is trying his best under difficult circumstances. Cut the guy some slack!

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

My wife went to kiss Rush Limbaugh on the cheek as we left last night and he called her a "dirty whore".... not very nice.

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

Oops. I accidentally used a 4-letter word at the White House! Last time I mention "Bibi" in front of the President.

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

What's all the fuss about Romney strapping his dog to his car roof? Nixon used to beat his Irish Setter and it never impaired his judgment.

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

Warmest congratulations to President-elect Vladimir Putin on a hard-fought election victory! #TweetEmbargoedUntilResultsAnnounced

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

Bashar tells me the rebels have committed mass suicide... using tanks and artillery.

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

Bashar al-Assad, if loving you is wrong, then I don't want to be right. #realpolitik.

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

If you want to stop the killing in Syria you could always send Ban Ki-moon to Damascus.... he would bore Assad to death.

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

@Beyonce and @JayZ have decided to raise their new baby daughter in the Realpolitik tradition and I'm honored to be Godfather! #coocoo

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

Text from Hillary: "Fucking Bill! Sometimes I just want to send a drone after my scumbag husband. x"

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

Bibi just called, furious that #HungerStrikingFor65Days is trending. He keeps talking about bombing Silicon Valley! #deepbreaths

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

Don't believe the human rights hysterics when they say #KhaderAdnan has been #HungerStrikingFor65Days. Bibi tells me he's just a picky eater

[Henry Kissinger fake @Fake_Kissinger]

I'm often asked, "How can you live with yourself?"
I always say, "Very comfortably, thank you. You should see my apartment!"