The Daily False

Corporate motto: ‘We gaslight for clicks’ •Not a news organization. •SATIRE•

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

🚨 BREAKING: DALLAS DRIVERS DECLARE TURN SIGNALS "UNPATRIOTIC" IN SHOCKING NEW POLL

MORE DETAILS SOON:

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

MORE DETAILS:

•Sources say his AARP discount still applies to stadium concessions.

•Brady’s new contract also includes unlimited Metamucil and a 3 PM naptime clause.

@TomBrady

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

BREAKING: 🚨 Tom Brady Comes Out of Retirement… Again

-TAMPA BAY — In a move that surprised absolutely no one, 57-year-old Tom Brady has un-retired for the 12th time, signing a $300 million contract to play quarterback for the "I Can’t Believe It’s Not Retirement" Dolphins.

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

Tech alert ‼️

Apple Announces New 'Regret Detection' Feature - iPhone Will Auto-Delete Drunk Texts After 2am"

@Apple

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

@chriskindafit Biggest heist since oceans 11.

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

🚨NASA Confirms Mars Rover Found Abandoned Starbucks Cup—

"Scientists: 'This proves intelligent life existed...briefly”

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

@charliekirk11 Took notes from WWE

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

🚨Perfectly Legal, Believe Me’—President Trump Adds Qatar’s $400M ‘Thank You Jet’ to Official White House Fleet

-Air Force One Immediately Demoted to ‘Air Force Two’ After Trump Realizes His New Ride Has Diamond-Encrusted Seatbelts

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

-Rob Pelinka Reportedly Traded Austin Reaves’ Shooting Sleeve & a Signed Phil Jackson Self-Help Book for Dončić—Meanwhile, Mavs Jump 10 Spots After Adam Silver ‘Found a Typo’ in the Lottery Machine!

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

🚨🤯 "NBA IN SHAMBLES! LAKERS SWOOP LUKA FOR A HANDFUL OF EXPIRED COUPONS… THEN MAVS 'MIRACULOUSLY' HIT JACKPOT IN DRAFT LOTTERY—COINCIDENCE?!" 🎰

Details coming soon

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

🚨 WOW:

-Sources confirm the lottery machine played 'My Heart Will Go On' when Dallas' name was drawn - Silver claims it was 'random shuffle'

Dallas fans already burning Flagg jerseys with 'NOT ENOUGH FOR LUKA' spray-painted on back.

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

🚨 BREAKING: NBA LAUNCHES INVESTIGATION AFTER MAVERICKS MIRACULOUSLY JUMP 11 SPOTS FOR #1 PICK POST-LUKA TRADE

More details emerging:

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

-League statisticians resign after confirming Dallas' odds were "slightly worse than Kyrie's flat Earth theory being correct"
- Adam Silver's alleged text: "Nico Harrison promised me 10% of Cooper Flagg's shoe deal"

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

More details coming in: 🚨

U.S. demands China stop selling bootleg Mickey Mouse ears (but Spider-Man is okay)

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

🚨 BREAKING: U.S. & China Sign Historic Trade Deal - All Tariffs to Be Paid in Fortnite V-Bucks

[The Daily False @FalseDaily]

🚨 BREAKING: Elon Musk Announces Twitter (Now "X") Will Charge Users $1 Per Tweet—"Inflation Hits the Timeline"