Fascist Al

#dailysayings #thesearejokes #offended #triggered #dankmemes

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

Join my feedback session on "The Religion of Bracille.docx." https://t.co/KrdxPoHRqM

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

Join my feedback session on "A Guide to Bracille.doc." https://t.co/QqctEopo3j

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

There's a scientific word for the stretch of skin between your groin and your butthole but not the back of your knee
#priorities

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

There's a big difference between local honey and local honeys

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

If you can't solve and and all relationship issues by buying her a pizza, get out. That's too high-maintenance.

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

#Odysseus is basically #Batman
#Achilles is basically #Superman

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

You know you have a special relationship when you and your wife go out and spend a lot of time pointing out cute butts to each other

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

@Arkzist: I want to see a remake of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, but it takes place at Notre Dame the school.

So...Rudy?

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

3/3 The only named #Hufflepuff character in the whole series fucking dies! Cotdammit!

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

2/3 People always say "Oh Hufflepuffs are loyal!" of course they're loyal, otherwise no one would feed them. They're like dogs!

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

1/3 I'm so fucking tired of #HufflepuffApologists. #Hufflepuff is the fucking left-over House! The bumbling badgers of mediocrity...

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

...he'll start screaming again.
Me: Yup.
Wife: Guess I'm taking one for the team.
Me: That's what she said.
Wife: 😑

#colicfuckingsucks

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

*baby is asleep on wife's lap*
Wife: I wanna move him so I can work on my laptop, but if I do he'll wake up, and if he wakes up...

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

Wife (to baby): C'mon bro, stop trying to suffocate yourself.
Me: Isn't that what babies do? There's a whole game about it.
Wife: 😑

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

They literally killed Shepard off and brought him back as Robocop in #MassEffect2
They could have found a way to put him/her in Andromeda 😤

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

I refuse to play #MassEffectAndromeda
There's no Shepard. I don't care that it's set 600 years in the future in a different galaxy...

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

MIKE!!!
#clawandorder

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

@colinarnott99 Well, you can, but it probably won't have the same effect

[Fascist Al @FascistAlSays]

Babies are like Tamogachis...