i know i come with a lot of intense energy which is why i go out of my way to properly gauge who is who, and to not force myself on ppl who aren’t equippied for the intricacies that make me who i am.
I think your life only really starts to change when your head and heart stop fighting each other. You accept what is happening without pretending to like it, admit what you actually feel without trying to make it sound nicer, and let all of you move in the same direction.
a regulated nervous system isn't quiet. it's responsive. it laughs loud in restaurants. it cries at commercials. it gets a full body chill from a song it hasn't heard in years. people mistake numbness for peace because numbness is easier to manage. but real peace has a pulse. it moves through you instead of around you.
If you want to change, you have to become conscious of your unconscious patterns. You have to catch yourself in the act of being the old self. And then you have to choose differently. Not once. A thousand times. Until the new choice becomes the new default.
My therapist once told me: Imagine being bitten by a snake and, instead of treating the bite, you waste time chasing the snake to understand why it bit you and prove you didn't deserve it.