Faux Novick

Hey, you elected me. It's your fault.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Happy Halloween everyone! @FakeMayorPDX and I will be trick-or-treating as R2D2 & C3PO. Guess who's who.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Of course @FakeMayorPDX doesn't drive his own SUV. That's what interns are for - forever circling so no need to park it. @AdamHerstein

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

@FakeMayorPDX The sacred motor vehicles are all-knowing and all-powerful.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

I'll be wearing my traffic cone costume for safety. As should your children, at all times. https://t.co/0Dbi6yqNik

[Portland Bureau of Transportation @PBOTinfo]

News Advisory: Commissioner @NovickOR serves as ped decoy for Oct 15 crosswalk education & enforcement action http://t.co/BAq9TOxqfI 🚶🚦👍

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Announcement: I will now be taking all meetings from my treehouse.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Oh great. Now @FakeMayorPDX is gonna make me start bike-commuting to work, too. Only if I get a sweet-ass BMX out of the deal, Harlie.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Current status: Hoarding donuts for the inevitable Donut Shortage Riots of 2015.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

@dailybacksass @FakeMayorPDX Rumpus is my middle name.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

I caught the Orange. Now who's got the cure?

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

@FakeMayorPDX That was my evil twin. You know I'd never be caught dead on a bus.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

I sincerely hope our beloved @FakeMayorPDX doesn't get hijacked by those bike people the way @MayorPDX did this week.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Oh no, @FakeMayorPDX, the BIKE PEOPLE are importing OTHER BIKE PEOPLE FROM OTHER CITIES now. https://t.co/Rb9BeSPJQ4

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

The @FakeMayorPDX and I are pleased to announce that since it rained today, climate change is officially over. No more worries, folks!

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Of course we didn't cancel the Orange Line fireworks. Things are only a safety hazard if @FakeMayorPDX & I say they are.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

@FakeMayorPDX I've got a spare cutting board. @tedder42

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Of course they're avoidable. Everyone just needs to stay out of the way of my car. You people always overcomplicate. https://t.co/uD0ELzaS9I

[Portland Bureau of Transportation @PBOTinfo]

"Traffic fatalities are avoidable." @NovickOR

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

@FakeMayorPDX No way! My will is the will of the people!

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Please don't tell anyone I pushed @FakeMayorPDX off his bike. https://t.co/jpG1un235b

[Harlie Cales @FakeMayorPDX]

Whew, made it back to #CityHall. Thank goodness for the intern and the SUV. Please don't tell anyone I fell off my bike! #MayorSecrets

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Whew. At last all these meddling bridge pedalers have gotten back in their SUVs and driven home to the suburbs, as nature intended.

[Faux Novick @FauxNovick]

Why are all these bridges closed to real traffic? I don't remember approving this!