Fergus Greene

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Have you ever had to change pants and thought it’d be quicker to do it with your shoes still on but your pants get caught on your shoes and it ends up taking 5 times longer than if you simply just took your shoes off? Nah me neither....

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

It’s an unspoken rule that when you buy a roast chook from the supermarket, that you must eat at least 1/6th of it while taking it apart

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

@tobiaasmclean @BritiishMemeUK Still prefer yours when you’re really going

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Just got in my Uber and he told straight up when he started, what am I meant to ask now?

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Remember when you were really young, and you used to find a coin made in that year and how excited you got...
Yeah I still get that

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

As soon as I start studying I immediately find anything else distracting, like I should be writing an essay but instead I’m on the edge of my seat watching Antiques Roadshow seeing how much an old bowl is

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

If your footy club doesn’t have one of these bikes, is it really a country footy club?

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

The only time you get a knot in your shoelaces is when you are in the biggest rush of your life

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Is it just me or is the only time I need to itch something when both my hands are full

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Watching a good tv show is like eating a pizza, at the end of the day you’re gonna find a way to finish it

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

@bigdogrocket89 That’s incredibly accurate

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Is it just me or do milkshakes automatically become better in these cups?

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

When using an automatic car wash and you have that second of panic thinking about whether you shut all the windows properly

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

When you put on pants you haven’t worn in ages and there’s money in the pockets- is there any better feeling?

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

The most awkward times in your life is when you're standing there thinking what to do while everyone is singing happy birthday to you

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Golden rule for eating at a restaurant: if you have to play Tetris with your food to get it in your mouth, the piece is too big

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Is survivor just a wildlife version of the bachelor- People doing whatever it takes to make sure they hang around?

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Ever walk through a shopping centre and hear a kid scream but no matter where you go you never see the kid and the volume never changes

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

Having to use a different name when you order cause people don't know what a Fergus is

[Fergus Greene @FergGreene]

You don't realise how good things are until they are gone, like mum's spag bol